Jensen Moments

Merry Christmas, 2011

2012-01-07T00:17:00.001-08:00

After our cruise, Ryon and I flew back to Colorado to spend Christmas with my family. It was a wonderful two weeks in Colorado.

I have to mention Cedar’s reaction to Ryon and me coming home. She was in the back of my mom’s car when she picked us up from the airport. When I opened her door, she was bouncing up and down in her car seat with massive excitement. She was ecstatic! She just kept saying “Mommy!” “Daddy!” I leaned in to give her a hug and kiss and noticed she had tears running down her face.

I said “CC, why are you crying?” She responded back to me:

“I’m not crying, Mom! I’m happy!” I asked my mom if she’d been crying in the car on the way to pick us up. My mom said no, that she’d happily been singing her ABC’s. So she was so overjoyed to see us that she had tears rolling down her cheeks. It was a special moment. She really did miss us.

Here are some pictures of our two weeks of merriment at Grandma and Grandpa’s house:

Auntie Kimmie’s minions and melting snowmen cookies

Auntie Melissa’s Christmas Eve Chocolate Oreo Cream Pie

Hooray for a white Christmas!

Tanner in his snow fort that he and Daddy built

Everyone stretching out homemade taffy (which was chewy deliciousness!)

See, it was so yummy!!

One day we went out to lunch at a fun Italian restaurant

I love these two crazy kids!

My sweet Cedar

Bridgey was 9 1/2 months during Christmas this year. He is a snuggly, happy sweetheart. He got his first teeth at Christmastime and learned to crawl as well. He laughed and snuggled with everyone!

Uncle Scott

And Kimmie and Kevin

And Mommy

And Daddy

And Mommy again . . . (I love this baby!)

And Grandma

Christmas Eve Festivities!

We wanted to give Grandma the year off from making the chimmies this year. I cooked the chimmy meat, Ryon and I wrapped them, and then Ryon cooked all of them. Oh, they are soooooo good! And are so Christmas!

Oh, Ryon is in a happy place on Christmas Eve . . . he loves his chimmies!

Yum!

Mom’s beautiful Christmas apron from Aunt Karen. As she always does, Grandma really made Christmas so special for everyone this year.

Tanner, CC and I went for a little walk on Christmas Eve right around sunset.

The view from my parents’ house. I told Ryon to run out and see it and he came out in his bare feet! It was so beautiful. I wish I’d had my mom’s camera.

William was so tired and hungry and was not in the mood for picture taking. At least not before dinner. But here is this little Neslen family, which is about to get a little bigger!!

But after he’d had some dinner – and some rootbeer – Mr. William was all smiles!

Stinky and Stinky in her festive Christmas sweater

Daddy and Bridgey wrestling

My sweet kids

Bridger, 9 1/2 months

Tan-Tan, 7, first grade

Cedar, 3 1/2, first year of preschool

We stayed up till 2 playing Settlers and finishing up Christmas stuff for the kids. I don’t even remember who won that night. I just know it was a blast and one of the only nights of the year that my hubby would stay up till the wee hours of the mornings. I love Christmas with the special people in my life! Oh wait, never mind, I won! He he! I just remembered. I was wrapping presents half the time and not paying as much attention as I should, and I ended up winning. And Kimmie was drugged up on Nyquill and she almost won.

It’s Christmas!!

The kids slept till about 7. Tan was the first to wake up. My family was all sleeping in the unfinished basement, so our three queen beds were all just around each other down there. I heard Tanner get up and start hemming and hawing around downstairs. I could tell he was dying to go upstairs, but was hesitating. I told him to run upstairs and see if Santa had come. He jolted! I remember growing up just waiting for that one second of the year when I’d peek around the corner and see the Christmas tree surrounded by the presents Santa had brought, and the stockings filled to the brim. I love that moment, and loved watching my children experience it.

When Cora was born and we went to go visit her at the hospital, Tanner lost his baby elephant, which was one of his “special things” (The lovey term my kids give their sepecial stuffed animals and blankets that mean a lot to them). Tanner decided to write to Santa this year and ask him for a new one. He wrote him three times and prayed that Santa would bring him one. So this year Santa brought Tanner a baby elephant pillow pet! It was two of his favorite things in one! Tan was very excited. Santa even left him a very special letter attached to the present.

CC thought that Santa was going to be there in the morning when she woke up. She was disappointed. She wanted to see the reindeer eat the carrots and cookies that she’d left out the night before.

But after the present opening started, she was just fine!

A few Christmas traditions:

My sweet, sweet parents

Bridger and William (Willmen, as Cedar called him), 1 year apart

Tanner in his Scooby hat from Auntie Kimmie and Uncle Kevin

Ryon got me this cute Christmas hat.

Bridger in his super-cute Mater hat from Aunt Karen

And Ryon ended Christmas by taking a two-hour nap in one of Grandpa’s new leather lazy-boys. Merry Christmas!

It was wonderful to all be together. I wish Brandi and Curtis could have come. But the kids had a great time at Grandma and Grandpa’s, and so did we. I love my family and am grateful for the memories we were able to make together.

Jensen Family Cruise

2011-12-26T22:28:00.001-08:00

Last week Ryon and I were able to take a wonderful vacation with his family. We cruised the Western Caribbean on the Freedom of the Seas. It was awesome to spend some quality time and to catch up with our loved ones whom we don’t get to see very often.

I don’t think we’ll be cruising again for a while now. We need to get me through school and get our own house again, so our priorities will be elsewhere. (However, my dad has been throwing the idea around the last couple days, and I don’t think it’d be too hard to get us back on a boat:).

We headed out to explore the ship shortly after boarding:

The boat was all decorated for Christmas! These giant gingerbread houses, Santa, his reindeer and fruit arrangements welcomed us aboard!

And this ginormously gigantic Christmas tree. Look how big it is! It was so beautiful. Merry Christmas!

Sprinkles is an essential ship feature that we headed toward very quickly! A self-serve soft-serve slice of vacation bliss just waiting on Deck 11 for you to fill up another cone! Mmmmm . . . we love you SPRINKLES!

We hung out up top for a while and just took pictures with everyone.

Ryon and I were so excited to be in our favorite happy place together.

Love this girl!

Our first night at dinner:

We had THE BEST table in that gorgeous dining room. We were straight to the back and had an entire level/balcony all to ourselves. I could not believe it when I saw it!

This angle was so weird. But this was Ryon’s first dinner.

The next day the boys tried out the flow rider:

The Jensen boys

Wesley

Ryon

Spence

And the girls and I soaked up some sun (between the clouds) and read for a while.

Oh, and so did Dad.

First Formal Night:

This picture kind of shows our private balcony.

If you like pina coladas . . . We do!

Mary and Nick waited until the cruise to tell us they are pregnant! A girl . . . pretty please?!?!

You can’t see it well in this picture, but Sheena rocked this flowing black dress. It was beautiful.

Sara looked so gorgeous this night! And Spence cleans up rather well himself.

Mom bought this beautiful pant suit especially for the cruise! It was so formally perfect!

Super Spence and Super Ryon!

Sara and I worked sooo hard to lose weight to feel good about ourselves for this vacation, and to just live healthy lives. That has been the real focus for us, which has been awesome. We have made some great progress both mentally and physically. I’ve made mental changes that I never had before. We still have some work to do together, but I am so grateful we have had each other for support and and good kick in the butt when it’s been needed. She got me to run my first 5K, and we are scheduled for future 10K’s and I’m sure we’ll do the Hillsboro half this year. I ran almost 5 miles outside shortly before the cruise, and I would have never done that before we started running together. The most I’d ever run in my life was four and a half on the treadmill. So, suffice it to say that she has been a invaluable support to me.

First Port of Call: Labadee, Haiti

When we first stepped off the ship we stepped away from the other people to take pictures. I will be forever made that I just gravitated to this stupid yellow thing. I don’t know what the heck I was thinking! These pictures would have been so perfect without it. Some things even photo shop can’t fix. Maybe a little . . .

In any case, Labadee was as beautiful as we could have hoped. It was the day with the best weather. (I will never cruise in December again, I can tell you that!) But we all had a blast that day!

Billie and Jeff celebrated their 34th wedding anniversary on the cruise. They were even in the love and marriage game show, which played on the stateroom TV’s for the remainder of the week. I was laughing so hard I was crying while watching that game show. It was hilarious. I have wonderful in-laws!

Sweet ladies in my life . . . and a stupid yellow thing! Arghhh! It made sense at the time, I promise!

The ship provides a huge BBQ lunch for everyone on the island. Spence and Ryon were very happy with the ribs and chicken!

After lunch, we decided to take a kayak tour around the island.

Ryon and I were less-than-fantastic kayak partners. It was really fun, though! We learned a lot about the settling of the island and its relationship with other parts of the world, including the U. S.

Headed back for dinner that night:

And ate some sweet, yummy desserts!! Well, we had those every night. I’m not typically one for lemon merengue, or any pastry really, but this one was sublime! I loved it, even the crust.

We loved this piggy towel animal we found in our room that night.

And were a tad confused by this one we found on another.

Second port of call: Georgetown, Grand Cayman

Tendering out with Mary and Nick.

I love this boy of mine!

There were several ships like this speckling the gorgeous Caribbean water as we tendered to shore. There was a lot of pirate décor and paraphernalia in Georgetown.

We headed to Hard Rock Café first thing. It’s our tradition to go to
Hard Rock wherever we can. We got our traditional onion rings with the most amazing BBQ sauce I’ve ever tasted. We loved it the first time we tired it in Miami, and I’ve never tasted its equal. I got a cute hoodie there as well.

There’s something therapeutic about being 30-something and acting like you are six!

Delicious monster burgers!

After Hard Rock, Mary, Nick, Spencer, Sara, Ryon and I all went snorkeling. We had brought our own gear and found a great spot. The fish were beautiful, and there were HUGE carp in schools of at least a dozen. A little unnerving at first, but very cool. Ryon and Spence swam out to that raft that sat between the shore and the cruise ships. Sara and I cracked up at them jumping up and down on them.

We headed back to the ship and took some fun pictures on the way.

On our way back to the ship, Ryon and I decided to stop in a little shop to look for some little toys for Tan and C. In a little fridge at the back of the store we saw it . . . ICE COLD cans of the Dr! (Unavailable on the ship) They were $2/can, but we splurged and got one!

Sara and Spence saw us with them and immediately went and bought two. So, we got another one. It was the best Diet Dr. Pepper ever! And it was fun to share that time with Sara and Spence. We all share a love for the Dr.!

One night, despite the large dinner we’d eaten, six of us crammed into Sara and Spencer’s little room and ordered room service! The poor guy had to wheel a cart with six trays of food to our room. It was awesome! That was one of the most fun nights of the cruise.

Shhhh! We even made Spencer call back and order a couple more orders of fries. This is what he said on the phone in his cheerful Spencer voice. It was hilarious: “Hi, uh, could we get a couple more orders of french fries? We ran out.”

Third port of call: Falmouth, Jamaica

Sorento’s Pizza was a place in the promenade that had free pizza until 2 am. Spence, Ryon and Nick LOVED it! They made many, many trips. This was my favorite kind of pizza that they served:

We found a duck in our room on the second formal night:

Fourth Port of Call: Cozumel, Mexico

I absolutely love shopping with my mother-in-law. She cracks me up. She loved Mexico. She bought two gorgeous chess sets, several pairs of sunglasses, adorable Latina dolls for her grand daughters, and on and on. I got this picture of her on our way back to the ship. She was lugging all her bags, filled with new purchases, and a new hat on her head. This is one of my favorite pictures of the entire trip:

Ryon and I bought ourselves some sweet Foakleys!

Relaxing in the Solarium: A fabulous element of our vacation.

On our last day at sea, Billie slept in this chair for almost five hours! Happy vacation to her!

And a pensive moment at the back of the ship for Ryon . . .

Our favorite ice cream with Sara and Spence. Many times at home we have each gotten a pint and watched a movie together, so this was special. And if the Dr. was going to be MIA all week long, at least we could indulge with Ben and Jerry!

Oh, it was funny the morning we came back to Florida and could access the internet while we waited to get off the boat. We were all on our phones reconnecting to the world. We’d all had an awesome time, but we were ready to go home and see our babies!

This cruise was an unforgettable opportunity to spend time with family while being separated from our life responsibilities. It’s one we will remember with fondness.

Microbiology . . . check!

2011-12-26T20:00:00.000-08:00

I headed back to school this term. It was the first time since Bridger was born, and our family was immersed in craziness for three months.

It was a microbiology class, which is another prerequisite for the dental hygiene program. Slowly but surely, I am getting ready to apply. My grades are good and I am absolutely determined to do it: two elements of my plan that make getting accepted and completing the program a viable life choice for myself and for my family.

Ryon is awesome. I could not be successful in these classes and take care of these kids without his support. I know he knows how important this is to me, and that what we plan to do with my career in the future will help our kids' schooling, and that helps him get through the every-day stress of my being committed to school. We didn't see much of each other this last fall. He'd get home from work and I'd leave immediately either for class or to study. A good portion of each of my Saturdays was dedicated to studying, so he'd have all the kids. Saturday nights were our nights. They were our time to spend together after a week of craziness.

We are blessed right now to have less-than-demanding church callings. Ryon was recently released from Young Men's, and I have served in the primary for the last two-and-a-half years. This is great for me. I miss being spiritually uplifted in Relief Society and Sunday School, but I love the little kids in my class and I don't have to think about church responsibilities throughout the week, which is wonderful while I am in school. I think I am going back into the nursery this year. I think, from time to time, that I might get a substitute so that I can at least attend Relief Society once every couple months or so. Are you allowed to do that?? Hmmm . . . something to think about at least.

But thanks to my sweetly supportive husband, and my wonderful mother who flew up twice to watch my kids so I could study for exams, I got an A in my five credit Microbiology class, and still have a 4.0 in my DH prerequisites. It's going to happen! I will be at least 33, but it will happen!

CC Goes to Preschool!

2011-12-26T19:06:00.000-08:00

On an early morning early in September, CC got up, ate breakfast, let me do her hair, climbed into the car and headed to her first day of preschool! Hooray! She and I were both so ready for her to go. She has two very young, energetic, sweet teachers.

Cedar is going to the same preschool Tanner attended a couple years ago. She is in the T Th class from 9-11:30. It works out well for us. I drop her off and take Bridger to the gym. By the time I am done I have just enough time to go home, shower, and head back to pick her up.

Cedar loves it. The structure is fantastic for her. She's told me that her shape on the carpet is a purple oval. She loves the songs and sings them in the car on the way home. She loves her teachers, and values their opinions of her clothes very highly. That is extremely annoying; I don't know where here three-year-old vanity comes from. She is such a drama queen about getting dressed. It's gotten better; I threatened to carry her out to the car in her panties, and she has started to cooperate a little more. In an attempt to make putting long sleeve shirts on Cedar less of a blood bath in the mornings, I asked one of her teachers to tell her how much she loves to wear long sleeves. Almost every day when CC walks in Mrs. Braze says "Cedar, I love your long sleeves! Look, I'm wearing long sleeves too! They are so fun and pretty!" It has helped some, and I will take what I can get!!

Cedar is very independent and does not miss a beat. She is absolutely aware that Tanner is her older brother and does not want to be left behind in any sense of anything. She watches Tanner like a hawk and emulates him any way she can.

She loves her daddy. They have a sweet relationship and I love hearing them talk to each other.

No matter how much work she is, Ryon loves his Cedar!

When I think of how hard Cedar was last year at Christmastime, I am relieved a little. She was so hard last year, and is doing much better. She is easier to reason with than she has ever been. If I remember to empower her as much as I can, we do better.

Tanner Starts First Grade and Turns Seven

2011-12-26T18:24:00.000-08:00

Tanner is one of the older kids in his class. His birthday is the in the end of September, so he turned seven about two weeks after he started first grade. Tan loves his school and loves his friends. There are only two classes in each grade at his school, so he was in kindergarten last year with about 50% of his class. And he knows the kids from the other class very well too. He's been to about four birthday parties so far this year. :)We'd just moved, and I was about to start school around Tanner's birthday this year, so a party with friends would have been pretty stressful and expensive. Tan was very sweet and fine with having a party at home with family. We got pizza and I made a camping cake for Tan. He wanted his cake to be a surprise, and he was so surprised! He loved it. It was so fun to make.
So yes, my Tanner is now seven and in first grade. He has turned into a great little reader and is such a good friend to his classmates. His teacher has told Ryon and me that several times. He struggles with talking in class too much, and he knows that. He is always throwing his hands over his mouth and saying "Oops! Oh ya, oh ya!"
There is not an unkind bone in his little body. He is genuine and tender-hearted, and he loves his family.
Tanner is my sweetheart. I love spending time with him. He is encouraging to me in my schooling, even though he misses me at night.I had school in the evenings this last semester, and so we missed several of our bed time songs and snuggles. It is Christmastime now, and we have made up for a lot of it.
I cannot believe he will be baptized in about nine months. He loves his Savior and has told us about times he has felt the spirit. That's really important to me. I want my kids to have their own testimony-building experiences so they can have strong relationships with Jesus Christ.

Tanner is in a Catholic private school, so there have been discrepancies between the Gospel and what he has been taught at school. We have had to explain why some people believe what they believe, why it isn't true, why sadly they don't have the whole truth, and why we are so blessed to have it. I've been impressed by Tanner's understanding of gospel truths, and I just hope he makes good choices as he gets older. I am grateful that he can say the Pledge of Allegiance, be free to worship Jesus Christ, and least of all, celebrate holidays in school.

I love my Tan Man. He is my little friend.

A Buried Talent?

2011-09-08T23:46:00.000-07:00

It's very late, and the only reason I'm even writing this post is because Sara, in her sweetness, randomly invited CC over for a sleepover tonight. This gives me slight flexibility in my sleep plans for this evening, meaning that I can stay up a tad later and sleep in a little with Bridger in bed with me tomorrow morning.

Curt is applying to BYU. He needs to send in his admissions essays by October, and so, as the rest of my family has previously done, he asked me to sharpen them up a little. I'm sure he'd have loved it if I'd just written them for him. But ethically I didn't feel great about it, and I needed a little backbone and substance to work with anyway. So I told him to send me the essay instructions and his own version, and I would see what I could do.

In posting these I am not suggesting in any way that I am a fabulous writer. I know I have a knack for it. Language has always come easily for me, hence the degree I pursued. But on the contrary, I'd suggest that in the seven – yes SEVEN— years since I earned my BA in English, I've regressed in my abilities as a writer. I've not pursued them enough. I'd even say I’ve sprinkled a good amount of sand on them since then. I've become too friendly with the 'synonyms' tool in Word and the right button on my mouse checks my spelling far more often than it should. I should know better!

Now, I realize that there are three little blessings in my life that have taken their share of my time, brain resources and energy over the past seven years. During the three and a half years between having Tanner and becoming stable through the miracle that was my medicine, I could hardly pick up a book without triggering my symptoms. And science has taken its appropriate place in my life during the last two years. However, I could have done more to enrich myself appropriately. Too often have I chosen the remote over the bookshelf. I could tell you how Sydney Bristow, Rachel Greene and Debora Barone deal with their every-day, but ask me about Jane Eyre, Hester Prynne or even the lovely Miss Bennett, and I'd struggle.

Better late than never. I’ve contemplated writing a book ever since I struggled with having Tanner. Lately I’ve felt the spirit push me in that direction. And I do mean push. I think it’s really something I need to do. So in an attempt to prepare myself for this task, I’ve resolved to educate and enrich my brain through the written word.

Polishing up Curtis’s admission essays helped me remember how much I enjoy writing and gave me a little confidence in my craft. They aren’t spectacular, but I do think I made them something worth preserving for myself. Not much will improve one’s writing like having to stand out amongst thousands of others with only 200 words to do it. So here’s my latest testament to needing to turn off the TV and turn on my brain:

(I apologize for the font inconsistencies. I cannot figure it out! I've tried like three times, so just ignore them.)

Essay #1:

Please share your reasons for seeking admission as a transfer student - we invite you specifically to address your intended major or program of study, and your career/life ambitions.

Curt’s Essay:

While serving my mission I prayed frequently asking Heavenly Father to give me an inclination on the direction I should go for my future career. When finishing up and getting ready to fly home I had a strong impression that I needed to study law. Since being home I have worked really hard to take difficult courses to challenge my mind and try to see which pathway in law I should take. I have also done small Internships for law firms out of Denver Colorado. I know that if transferred to Brigham Young University the curriculum and experiences would be a lot more suiting for a future Law Student.

I am also engaged to be married in October in the Salt lake City Temple. My fiance is currently enrolled at Utah Valley University. We need to have our Universities closer to each other.

I have many different career and financial goals. A few of them include owning and operating both commercial and residential real estate. I also want to be a specialty lawyer that is sought for when families are having difficulties with Deeds and Wills that the government are trying to void and dismiss.

Revision:

When I had important decisions to make while growing up, I was taught to be judicious and seek the Lord’s counsel. So it was in this mentality that toward the end of my mission I asked Heavenly Father to help me choose a major in which I would excel and would enjoy.

After a short time I felt strongly that I should study law. Since being home, I’ve taken difficult courses to challenge myself, and I’ve completed a small internship with a law firm in Denver, Colorado. I know that attending BYU for the rest of my undergraduate education will further prepare me for the rigorous secular lifestyle that will be required of me in law school.

I look forward to the opportunity that BYU will provide me to lay a foundation for myself both professionally and for my future family. I am interested in becoming an attorney who specializes in protecting personal assets from the government. And it’s essential to me to set a standard of excellence for my children. I want to instill in them that obtaining a higher education is key to developing the greatest version of ourselves. Attending BYU will allow me to do this.

Essay #2:

Describe a setback you have encountered in your life. Explain how you have handled the situation and what you have learned from it.

Curt’s Essay:

For the past several years, I have endured my daily life with chronic back pain from an injury I sustained in 2007 working with a crew reconstructing spires on the Portland Oregon Temple. One day while painting, I slipped and fell over rotating my back on scaffolding.

Since then I have served an honorable mission in Sydney Australia, have continued my education at Brigham Young University-Idaho and have endured multiple Constructions jobs. I am currently engaged to the woman of my dreams. Last week I finished my fourth semester, and just had back surgery three days ago.

I have had to learn to put less trust in myself and more trust in those around me. I have learned that asking for someone’s help can be a sign of strength and humility for both participating parties. I also learned that by putting more of my trust in the Lord, he would strengthen me and help me to feel more comfortable in trusting others.

Looking over my past, the most important lessons I learned were the ones where I could easily look at the experience and be able to see how the lord was there beside me the whole time.

Revision:

Four years ago, at age eighteen, I suffered a serious back injury while working on the Portland, Oregon temple. Despite being harnessed, I fell off a spire, landed on some scaffolding and severely over-rotated my back. Since that day I have endured deep, chronic back pain.

I’ve handled this situation with faith that the Lord would stay with me and sheer day-to-day grit. With a crooked spine, I pushed myself through the pain, served an honorable mission and completed four semesters at BYU-Idaho. The Lord gave me strength during this while leading me to my sweet fiancé. I’ve been graciously blessed to accomplish everything I’ve planned for myself, despite this injury.

C.S. Lewis said “Experience is a brutal teacher. But you learn.” This experience has been brutal, but I did, in fact, learn. I learned humility by relying on others physically. I gained empathy for those who live with pain. And I further realized my Savior’s love for me as He guided me through this trial. Even now, three days after an invasive back surgery, the prospect of living a life free of this pain shines bright, further testifying of the love and compassion that Jesus Christ has for me.

Bridger Layne

2011-09-05T14:36:00.000-07:00

This is my sweet baby. He is my little friend and I just love him to pieces. If he would sleep at night he would be the perfect baby. He is sweet, even-tempered, smiley, snuggly when he is awake. But he will not sleep through the night, the little stinker. I know he is only six months, but my other two were sleeping twelve hours at this point, so that is what I want! He'll do a five hour stretch sometimes, and then it's two-two and a half hours after that. But look at that face! Even at three in the morning when I am bumping into doors because I haven't slept through the night myself in over a year and a half, I love that little face! My Bridgey Boo makes me happy. He is my sweet angel baby. I know the not-so-perfectly-submissive times are approaching, (I remember saying CC was my angel baby, and now I say I want to throw her in the garbage sometimes) so I am relishing in his luscious sweetness while I can.

A Quick Picture Update

2011-08-29T23:00:00.000-07:00

2011-08-29T22:58:00.000-07:00

2011-08-29T22:56:00.000-07:00

I Wish Our Leaders and Media Still Conducted Themselves So . . .

2011-04-29T13:00:00.001-07:00

"The President is merely the most important among a large number of public servants. He should be supported or opposed exactly to the degree which is warranted by his good conduct or bad conduct, his efficiency or inefficiency in rendering loyal, able, and disinterested service to the Nation as a whole. Therefore it is absolutely necessary that there should be full liberty to tell the truth about his acts, and this means that it is exactly necessary to blame him when he does wrong as to praise him when he does right. Any other attitude in an American citizen is both base and servile. To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public. Nothing but the truth should be spoken about him or any one else. But it is even more important to tell the truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about him than about any one else."

"Roosevelt in the Kansas City Star", 149
May 7, 1918

A Happy Easter

2011-04-25T14:27:00.000-07:00

It is a special Easter this year. We have been so lucky to have Grandma Jensen, Mary, Nick and Jensen with us. And by "us" I mean the Oregon family: Sara, Spence and Cora and our newly additioned family of five.

I have adjusted pretty well to having our families far away, but I can still have a hard time on holidays and other special days. So when we get to be with family on these days it is very special. We went to an earlier sacrament meeting this morning so we could have a little more time together before we had to get people to the airport. We've just joked around a lot this weekend, had CC's birthday party, watched the Blazers come back from a 23-point deficit to win game 4, eaten dinner out on Ryon's deck, watched Tanner in his baseball games, cooked and eaten good food, decorated eggs . . . it's been wonderful.

It was a task and a half to take some Easter photos of the kids. Holy cow there were some cranky children this morning. But we did get a few good ones. Cedar loved her dress and it was fun to put my boys in some new church clothes. Tanner needed some so badly.

Grandpa Neslen is coming this weekend to meet Mr. Bridger and to help with the baby blessing. So it's nice to have that to look forward to. We are excited to see him!

Well, we still all love each other and love being together. I love my Ryon so much. My three kids are sweet and precious, I love them more than anything, and they bring me within an inch of craziness every day. A pretty wonderful life I have; I am tired, blessed and grateful.

Sweet Bridger

2011-03-16T23:34:00.000-07:00

My sweet baby is eight days old today. It has been a precious week for me. I love this baby boy so much. It is a scary thing for me to have babies, but this time has gone very well so far. My brain has stayed stable, which has allowed me to embrace and enjoy this blessed addition to our family. I've cherished sweet moments with my little one.
My mom has been a life saver. She has taken care of my house and my Cedar, has picked Tanner up from school, made dinner and has done a feeding during the night so I've been able to get a good chunck of sleep. What would I do without her?
Bridger is a blessing from my Heavenly Father, as have been the tender bonding moments we've shared together. I've cried tears of joy with his little body curled up against mine and our cheeks pressed together. I am so grateful that I've been able to enjoy his entrance into this world. I only wish time would slow down some. I know he is going to get big so quickly. So I will continue to cherish this precious time with him and do my best to memorize these sweet moments.

Baby Boy Jensen is Scheduled, We'll See What Happens

2011-03-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

I cancelled my Facebook a few weeks ago. So I thought, just in case anyone reads this between now and Monday, and so I get some type of record down for the future, that I'd just post that I am scheduled to be induced early Tuesday morning the 8th. We're going in Monday night to see if they can give me some medicine to soften and dilate me before the induction starts in the morning. If I'm not contracting too much I'll stay overnight at the hospital on that medicine. If I am contracting too much (which is what happened with Cedar even thought I felt none of them) they'll send us home and I'll have to be back there by 6 am on Tuesday. So I'm hoping I can just stay the night on the medicine so that things might go quicker and smoother on Tuesday and so Ryon and I don't have to drive from O.C. to Hillsboro around midnight and then again at 6 am the following morning. But, if that's the case, that's fine.

Either way, we are hoping the little mister will make his debut some time on Tuesday or early Wednesday morning. This is the same process we did with Cedar. We started the petocin at 6 am on a Thursday and she was born just seven minutes shy of 24 hours later. Hopefully this will go faster!

I'm very relieved to have a plan that is designed to protect my brain. We're just praying things go well. I'm sure they will be fine.

Tanner's Progress

2011-01-27T23:34:00.000-08:00

Tanner has learned so much during his first five months of kindergarten. I wanted to document a little of it here. He got Buzz today at school, which means he got a green card and that he also made extra good behavior choices. Tan said that he and his friend Quincy like to chat a lot, but today they helped each other by not chatting, and they both got a Buzz to take home! (There are three Buzz's in the classroom) Tanner was very excited about the good choices he and his friend had made together.

Each night the three Buzz's and their books go home with a student. The student writes a little something and/or draws a picture about what they did at home. I was most impressed when Tanner pulled out the Buzz book when he got home and started working. The first time Tan brough Buzz home I wrote in the book. The second time I helped him with each letter of each word, which yes, took forever and was a little painful. Today, however, Tan pulled out the book, grabbed a pen, and started writing. This is what he came up with:

Translation: "I am so happy to get Buzz for the fifth time. (I helped him with the silent 'e'in 'time') We wrestled. We watched a movie. (I helped him spell watched, he then got distracted after writing it and didn't finish the sentence) We had dinner. Tanner, 6 (age). Then he decided to add 'Jensen'". The 12 is his number in class, and it usually goes after his name on all his assignments. I actually have no idea what the last line is. I didn't see him write it.

My favorite is resold. "We resold." Awesome, Tan. I love it. And yes, that probably is how it should be spelled.

My little man is growing up. I love him so much and love seeing his progress. He is my sweet, sweet boy, and I am so happy that he loves school so much.

Merry, Merry Christmas!

2010-12-30T21:42:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderfully sweet Christmas together this year. The kids about blew their tops with excitement Christmas Eve and were absolutely adorable Christmas morning. I am thankful for my sweet family.

Welcome Baby Cora!

2010-11-26T22:10:00.000-08:00

I don't think my kids could have been any more excited to meet their new cousin. They were overtaken by her and we all adored watching them get aquainted. They loved her with snuggles and kisses and could hardly take turns to hold her. It was very precious to watch them fall in love with her. She is a beautiful baby and we are so excited to welcome her to the family!

Alton Brown is Taking Over Our Lives!!

2010-11-07T12:03:00.001-08:00

Well, maybe it's not that bad, but he is slowly nudging his way into becoming a member of the family. Sara may argue that Spencer has already made him an unofficial member of their family. Tanner proved this this morning while I was making a caramel apple crisp. It was so funny, I feel it needed it's own post instead of just going on the quote wall. I knew Spence and Ryon would appreciate it, and Sara would sympathize with me.

Spence and Ryon LOVE watching Good Eats. I remember the first time Spence was over and he was talking about Alton Brown from the Food Network. I'd never heard of him. I told Spence his name sounded like a black guy who was really cool. Spencer laughed and said he was a total white guy, and one of the biggest nerds ever. Yup. So Spence and Ryon watch it religiously. Together. Apart. Spencer even used his Barnes and Noble gift card to buy like three of his books, so he has almost all the episodes ever recorded in printed text, right in his living room. Just last night Ryon suggested we have an Alton Brown party, and just make a bunch of Alton Brown food.

So this morning: Tanner and I had just finished melting the caramels, had poured them over the apple crisp and I'd slid it into the oven.

Tanner: "Mom, how did you know how to make this?"

Me: "I just found a recipe on the internet."

Tanner: "Well, maybe you should ask Alton Brown just in case you forget."

It really was funny. I think I can handle making my own apple crisp, but if I ever do forget how, Mr. Brown is the reigning food authority in this house. And it's true; if I ever saw an episode where he does make his own apple crisp, it would no doubt knock the one that is baking in the oven right now right out of the park. So thanks for the reminder, Tan. If I do forget, I will indeed consult Mr. Brown.

A Pensive Saturday Morning

2010-11-06T10:53:00.001-07:00

This will be disjuntled. I think I just made up that word. I think it's close to the actual word that it's supposed to be, but I can't think of it. You think that as an English major I'd be able to think of the word, and if I couldn't, I would find an appropriate substitute instead of making up something that I hope people would just understand.

Anyway, thoughts this morning, that's it. Maybe a picture of Tanner that I took this morning that turned out cute, if I can figure out how to load pictures onto this stupid computer upstairs that has all the ports on the back of the tower. My pregnant belly is making some moving uncomfortable already, and I still have four months to go.

Which brings me to the beginning of this pensive stream of thoughts. Yup, four months to go. Probably a few days less with the induction having been planned at my last visit. I'm due March 9, can be induced as early as the 2, and will do it whenever Bonnie or Kate are on call in the Birthing Center. Probably some time between Wednesday and Saturday. I'm excited to have this little guy. I am feeling him move more now, which is wonderful. It's momentarily sad to think that I won't feel any more babies inside me after this one, but then I think of what it would mean to really have another child, and the sadness is instantly replaced with a sense of peace and relief. I'm ready to be done with the uncertainty, chemicals and other stress that comes with having babies.

Sara, Cedar and I went to IKEA this week. I found the curtains I want for the boys' room. I bought a super cute lime green crib for baby. They were out of white, which is why I got it, but now I am excited that I got a colored one. Tan and baby (Tayton or Bridger, whichever we choose), will be sharing the office, and the office will be moved into Tanner's room. It'll be just fine. Weird to have kids sharing rooms, but just fine. Tanner is excited to share a room with his baby brother, and he sleeps like a rock. So I'm not worried about it disrupting him during the night. I could vacuum, sing and dance in his room when he is asleep and he'd never be the wiser.

I feel and feel like I look about six months pregnant instead of five. Whatever, who cares, right? I tell myself not to worry about what I look like. It's pregnant! It is what it is. And it'll be over in four months and I'd rather enjoy it than obsess about it. The constant inner struggle of Annie.

My brain is doing great. I can tell because I forget to take my medicine sometimes. Stupid, right? You'd think that I'd be 100% on top of it every day at the same time to prevent and crappiness from creeping in. When I am struggling I take it every day at the same time, praying it will work. But because I feel normal, I forget, which is fine, as long as I remember soon enough.

We found out this morning that a man from church was in an ATV accident and is paralyzed. He has five kids. That'll sober you up quicker than anything. I cried when Ryon told me. His poor, sweet family. They'll definitely be in our prayers for a long time. I told Ryon that I'm sorry if I am a stinky wife about things like four wheelers and such, but this is why. He says he knows and feels the same way. I am so grateful for my family, all of them, and I pray for their safety every day. I am thankful for the eternal nature of our existence, for the Atonement, and that we will all be resurrected and our spirits and bodies will be united as a whole being after we die.

Ryon is finishing the deck today. FINISHING! It will be done. I'll definitely post about it. It's been the project of projects around here. I am so excited that it'll be finished so that we can use it, and so I can have my husband back in the evenings and weekends. He's spent hours and hours out there. We both wish he'd done more in the summer, but the design took a lot longer than we thought, and because I got pregnant and had such a hard time at about seven weeks, he couldn't really leave me alone to go and work. But he is almost there. Hopefully it will suffice so that we can stay in this house until I finish school.

This house . . . we really enjoy it. It's just great for us right now. Ryon is so close to work, which is fabulous for my being in school. At times it bugs me that we don't have our own house anymore, but I think that is just my idealism creeping in. If there is one thing I learned from our old house (which my Dad told me before we purchased it, but I had to really learn it for myself) is that purchasing a home needs to be for the long term. And we are just not in a position to make a long-term decision right now for our family. I need to get into the program, we are having this baby, Ryon's job is going well now, but he doesn't know for sure how much room there is to grow there, are we ultimately going to end up in Colorado, are we going to settle here? So buying a home is low on the priority list. I just get annoyed when people tell me, "Homes are really cheap right now." "It's a great time to buy." "Wouldn't you rather your money going to a payment rather than to rent?" Do you think I don't think of these things?? Of course I know. But we need to make the right choice for our family. And the stress of me being in school full time coming up, renting is just plain a better choice for us. So I wish I didn't feel the little bit of push to own our own home again. I know Ryon doesn't care at all. He just says that when the time is right we'll do it again. And we'll hopefully be making more money by then anyway and can do a 15 year loan and more than make up any time we've lost renting. My dad tells me not to let a house get in the way of doing what we need to do as a family. And right now that is affording school for me, for Tan and C, and childcare for baby when I head into the program. It's expensive, but it's what we want to do. So I am so grateful for this house we have to live in. I love it, and I just need to not worry about how I sometimes think things "should" be. You'd think I'd be over that inner struggle, but nope.

Ryon and I leave for our cruise on Friday morning. We have to be at the airport at 4:30. As far as we are concerned, our vacation from responsibility begins Friday at 4:30 a.m. There is something about being kid-free that makes anything a vacation. Walking through the airport without my children is wonderful. I have my carry-on on wheels and . . . oh, that's it! Just me and the suitcase that I can fit everything into! How lovely! Makes everything enjoyable. Baggage check? A pleasure! Security? Bring it on! Sitting at the gate, who needs a cruise when I can get that 45 minutes of peace?! Well, I won't go that far, but still, I am thrilled for Spence to drop us off and to say goodbye to real life for nine days. Do I miss my kids when I go? Nope. I know they are perfectly safe and happy with Grandma, and I'm going to be with them for the rest of my life when I get back, so, nope. They cross my mind every day, but that's about it! People couldn't believe I left my seven-month-old baby girl to go on a cruise a couple years ago. I'd do it again in a heart beat. I am so blessed to have a wonderful mother and mother-in-law who are such fabulous grandmothers. I couldn't do it without knowing my kids were perfectly taken care of.

Well, I think I've gotten a bunch out this morning. Bless you if you are still reading. :) Seriously. Sometimes I don't even read my own writing because it just goes on and on. But we are all doing well. We love each other and work hard to have a nice, Christ-centered life together. I love my family and my Savior. Until next time, enjoy the autumn season!

Turning 30 Bucket List

2010-10-25T21:00:00.001-07:00

I remember when my mom turned 30. There were black balloons, a lot of food that the neighbor across the street had made, and a lot of people. I was only 7, but I remember that event. Now it's my turn.

I am actually turning 29 in 17 days. So I still have a year of my 20's. But each year flies by faster than the last, and I know this one will be no exception. I will be hitting the big 3-0 before I can internalize the reality.

Ryon will attest to the fact that I despise getting older. He just rolls his eyes now if I even bring the subject up. I simply do not like watching the Annie age clock advance. But I want to start embracing the change and growth that comes with getting older. To this end, I have decided to create a personal "Turning 30 Bucket List" for this upcoming year. There are things I have not experienced or accomplished, both externally and internally, that I really want to complete before my big day in 2011. There are only a few things I have come up with so far, but I wanted to get them written down. I'll add more as I think of them.

1. Complete the Portland Marathon in October 2011. This will take 6 months of training from about a month after baby #3 is born.

2. Have my third and final baby. I feel so blessed to have my two children and a third on the way. I know I have been given divine inspiration regarding having my children, and I'm excited to meet baby #3 and close the door. I'll be grateful to say goodbye to the chemical torture that my brain endures from pregnancy and delivering babies.

3. Complete two of the three prerequisite classes I have remaining for the dental hygiene program.

4. Go swimming with my family next summer with no hesitation, no feelings of self-consciousness, just excitement to make memories and have fun with the people I love.

Carving Pumpkins, 2010

2010-10-25T19:53:00.000-07:00

Tanner and Cedar had a great time carving pumpkins tonight for family home evening. Well, Cedar just scooped the guts out of her pumpkin, put them back in, and scooped them out again. But it was fun nonetheless.

We got our pumpkins from the pumpkin patch last week, and Tan was so excited to finally carve them! Fun fun fun in the fall!

I should point out that Miss Cedar Ann, here, is barely two and a half years old. She looks like she is four, but she is still my baby girl!!

Quick Family Update, Inspired By Melissa

2010-09-27T21:10:00.000-07:00

My sister-in-law posted an update about her little family. I bet it took her all of fifteen minutes, but it was so great to be able to just get a quick dose of the Scott/Melissa/William Neslen family, who I miss and don't get to see often enough.

So I decided to quickly do the same thing! Here's a little dash of the Jensens' doings of late:

RYON: Will hit his 5 year mark at Intel in November. Loves his new job at Hawthorne Farm; he's been there since last July. Got a special recognition/award at work in front of a group he works with comprised of about 300 people. He would NEVER tell anyone about this except me, and will now probably stop telling me things like this if he reads this. But whatever, he's my husband and I have the right to brag once in a while.

Ryon is an amazing father. His Cedar absolutely adores him. He and Tan are great buds, and we are so loving that he only works a mile from home. It gives us a real life together. He is currently cranking out a deck in the back of the home we've been renting for the past two years. We'd really like to stay here until I finish school, but there is no back yard, so hopefully this will suffice until we are ready to buy a house again.

ANNIE: Is 17 weeks pregnant with baby #3. Is totally used to getting up at 6:30 a.m. with Tan and then getting to bed by 9:30, which I never would have thought possible. Mentally got on the nursing path one last time a few weeks ago, and decided it really isn't the right choice. Started school this past week and is taking one class: Nutrition 225. Dropped Microbiology this term because of a cruise in November and because I decided to put off the Dental Hygiene program one year so baby #3 will be 18 months old instead of 6 months when the intensity begins. Currently has a normal, happy brain even with the pregnancy hormones, and is confident it will continue after baby is born. Has a level 2 ultrasound scheduled to search baby for possible birth defects related to the medication. Risk is very low, but we want to look anyway, and are of course nervous about the results. Is LOVING Tanner being in all-day kindergarten. CC and are doing great together during the day and the hours between 7:45 a.m. and 2:35 p.m. go by very quickly. :)

TANNER: Could not be a happier boy, most of the time, of course. Absolutely loves his school, teacher and new friends. Is so ready to be at school all day and has said frequently "I love kindergarten even more than preschool." Can read short "popcorn" words like "I", "am", "at." Loves his sister and is so excited to have a new baby in the family. Loved turning 6 last week. Loves snuggling with his mommy, which I soak up and relish in. Latest Tanner quote: We were trying to figure out what kind of cookies to make a few Sundays ago: Mommy: "You could make snickerdoodles." Tanner: "What are snooberdoodles?!" Still loves to manipulate and play with his transformers and loves the new remote controlled jeep he got for his birthday. Talks about his aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas all the time. Is very excited for Grandma Neslen to come babysit for a week while Mom and Dad go on vacation.

CEDAR: Is a good balance between "I can't believe how precious and cute you are!" and "I want to throw you in the garbage!" I'd say it's about 65/35 right now, in the good direction, which is about a 25% improvement from where she was in the summer. Is absolutely two, and just loves to compete with her brother in any way she can. Is talking a ton right now. First official Cedar quote: C is saying dinner prayer: Daddy: "Thank you" C: "Thaay" Daddy: "For the food" C: "a num nums." Oh it was great. Loves her "babies" which are anything from her little lamb, puppy, rabbit, to her actual baby dolls. Loves "A Mickey Show" right now. (Mickey Mouse Club House) Points to old men in the stores and says "Ponconck," which for some inexplicable reason has meant Grandpa for the longest time. Will talk to you on the phone for as long as you will stay on the line, and sometimes for a while after you hang up. Loves to rub noses, give kisses, and be soft on your face. Loves her daddy. Will remind you that Daddy is "My daddy" and Mommy is "Tan Tan's mommy." Loves Lego's right now. Is absolutely terrible to take in the store unless there is a car cart or she has something to eat. Has naturally curly hair that seems to get darker by the day, which contrasts beautifully with her blue eyes, which of course, she got from her daddy. Is my sweet baby girl.

Brain Update!

2010-09-12T08:29:00.001-07:00

I am happy to quickly report (b/c Tanner has a talk in primary and we have church in 2 1/2 hours) that my pregnant brain is doing much better. I think it's a combination of getting through the first trimester hormone influx so my medicine could get back on top of things, having a great visit with family in Colorado and Utah, getting out of my summer slump of trying to invent my day every day, Tanner starting school this past week and me starting next week.

So I've been going through my day without the horrible invasion of chemical brain issues. It is such a relief. I am grateful for my Dr. who understands what I am going through and knows how to help. I don't even think I need the supplemental medicine he gave me anymore. I am grateful for the blessing of modern medicine and being able to pray to my Heavenly Father for comfort and direction. So I am expecting (fingers crossed) to go through the remainder of my pregnancy without brain incident. So the next challenge will be after the baby is born. And once I get through that, I should be home free!!! Hallelujah! So I am very happy to report this very happy report! Everyone enjoy this Sunday and this wonderful transition into these crisp (or soggy) happy, eventful, cozy autumn months. Yay for hot chocolate!

Knowledge vs Wisdom

2010-08-28T08:47:00.000-07:00

While here in Colorado visiting my parents, I picked up a book in the office entitled Heroes from the Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon is the keystone scripture in my faith and partners with The Bible in testifying of the Lord, Jesus Christ. This book on heroes is a compilation of tributes and insight from modern-day prophets and other leaders of my church. This morning I was reading the account from Russell M. Nelson called "Nephi, son of Lehi." He spoke of his many years in medical school, and how he was grateful for the counsel of Nephi, as it helped him distinguish the difference between learning and wisdom. Nephi quotes his younger brother, the prophet Jacob:

"O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish. But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God." (2 Nephi 9:28-29.)

When I read this, I thought of myself, and although I am not an extremely learned woman, I have worked hard to educate myself and to learn from life's experiences. It was a wonderful reminder that no matter what knowledge I may aquire in this life, it is all from God, and it will profit me nothing if I rely solely upon myself and exclude him from the direction in which I take my life.

I then quickly thought of the leaders of our nation, past and present. I thought of those who fled from Great Britian in dire search for religious freedom. The men who signed the Declaration of Indpendence and founded the Constitution and Bill of Rights were God-fearing, humble men, and I believe with all my heart that they were inspired and led by God in establishing the United States of America.

Like so many of us, I look at our world today, particularly at our Nation's leaders, and I think the opposite. I see narcissists with their own agendas who have put themselves in an elite class above the People, instead of striving to serve those who have put them in office. I see a Godless President who will listen to no one, least of all the People. He will support the building of a Mosque 500 ft. from ground zero in New York, when it is clear that the majority of Americans are against it.

I know that if we obey the counsel of our loving Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ through the scriptures and guidance of prophets, all will be well in the end. We will not perish, but will return to live with Father. When I look at our government today, I just remind myself to maintain an eternal perspective and to prepare myself and my family to do as well in this life as possible: to become learned and capable, but to never forget the counsels of God.

It was a refreshing reminder when I read those prophetic words this morning. I love my church and the values it stands for. I love my Savior. I know He is the only begotten of the Father and that he suffered in the garden and died that we may repent of our sins and live in His presence again. Oh that those in positions of such power today would recognize and hearken to that loving diety.

Two Down, One to Go

2010-07-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

I wish I didn't think like this in terms of having my babies. But with what pregnancy hormones and chemicals do to my brain, I can't help it. Eight weeks pregnant and already dealing with the crap that started after having Tanner. Are you kidding me? I have been on my medicine since I was seven months pregnant with Cedar and have had my life back for two years. It took six weeks of intensified symptoms for the medicine to really kick in and start working (and if I hadn't felt the spirit so strongly while Dr. Larsen was telling me about the medicine I would have gotten off it, those six weeks were so terrible), but after that, I started to feel like myself again! It has been wonderful. I've been Annie and have been able to live my life day to day with no interference with my brain symptoms.

So of course I was very excited to find out we were expecting baby number three! We were planning on being discrete with it for a while, just to slide into the idea and transition smoothly, but starting in week 7, my floating and thinking obsessions started out of nowhere. I know it is the pregnancy hormones. And now I am having to push myself through the actions of the day again, and push thoughts out of my mind. Sigh. I just can't handle it this time. I have an appointment with my Dr. this week, and hopefully he will simply increase my dosage and I will get better. I don't know what else to do. I cannot live like this again, especially with two kids, one of who is so much work right now.

So basically I am just voicing my experience and asking for prayers and support. I asked the primary president yesterday to find a temporary substitute for my Sunbeam class while I try to get on top of things. She was wonderfully understanding and sweet to me and had one lined up for 8 weeks by last night. I so appreciated that. I know it seems like a small thing, but that class is a lot of work and can be stressful, and I need the socialization and spiritual uplift from going to class. I haven't had that for a long time now.

I just want to enjoy this pregnancy. It is most likely my last, and I don't want to have to simply endure it and wonder how much worse it is going to get when the baby gets here. Please let the medicine just keep working and let me be me.

Cedar Ann

2010-06-02T00:21:00.000-07:00

I love my CC! Especially when she gives me sweet smiles and kisses for the camera that I can keep forever. Thanks, baby girl.

Morning at the Zoo

2010-05-31T22:55:00.000-07:00

Is this the cutest picture ever? Cedar was pointing to the fish at the zoo and telling us what she was seeing. And this is Tanner not being able to smile like a normal person, EVER! We had a good time this morning. It was a fabulous long weekend and I wish it could just keep going and going and going . . .

Goodbye to Preschool!

2010-05-31T22:21:00.000-07:00

Tanner had his preschool graduation last week. He is getting so big and grown up! I did not expect to get emotional about this, but on his last day of preschool, I walked him into his classroom, and as he was hanging his little back pack on his hook I just got so sad. I cried all the way home, thinking about him growing up and becoming more of his own person and less of my little Tan Man. Sounds sappy and stupid, I know, but it was a sad moment for me . . . I can only imagine what I can expect to feel on the first day I drop him off at kindergarten!

On the flip side, however, Tanner will be gone for 7 hours a day! Holy freedom for me! I'll only have to take Cedar to a sitter while I go to school, and I will only have to take C to the store with me, and I can sleep during C's nap if I want (not that I don't do that anyway), the list goes on and on . . .

So congratulations my sweet Tan Tan, you did great in preschool and are soo excited to go to kindergarten! I asked him the other day if he was ready to have his child lock off his door in the car -- if he would leave the door handle alone now. He said "Yes, because kindergarteners don't need child locks and they know not to play with door handles." He's very ready and very excited.

And this is CC at Tanner's graduation. She always has so much fun and is a big ham at his school events.

Grandma and Grandpa Neslen's Visit

2010-05-08T21:37:00.000-07:00

My parents sold their house in Beavercreek and came up about a week ago to take their remaining belongings to Colorado. We got to spend about five days with them. T and C LOVE being with Grandma and Grandpa. They made playdough, went shopping, Grandma and Tanner went to see How to Train a Dragon, and Tanner and Grandpa had their traditional popcorn fight. Just lots of snuggling, reading books, watching movies and enjoying being together.

2010-05-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

Cedar's Birthday Kitchen

2010-05-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

Because I am Facebook and somewhat computer challenged when it comes to storing my pictures in accessible locations, it took me seriously forever to put together a Facebook album of CC's kitchen. So I am pooped out of computering. So I will post more pictures of the play kitchen later, but I wanted to at least post one picture of the final product. I am happy with how it turned out and Cedar and Tanner both love playing with it, which was the goal. So I guess we can say . . . SUCCESS!

2010-05-04T19:24:00.001-07:00

First the Sandbox, Then the Sink

2010-04-29T18:35:00.000-07:00

We have a sandbox on our deck that the kids love to play with. But it's a long way from the back door to the bathtub upstairs, across a lot of carpet. So the other night I just stripped her down and put her in the sink, just like when she was a baby. At first she was not sure about it, but then had a lot of fun. We then discovered that dish towels are the perfect sized towels for two-year-olds. :o) CC, you are a sweetheart . . . even though just now she came over and hit my computer, the little stinker.

Cedar Loves Shoes!

2010-04-26T23:53:00.000-07:00

CC loves shoes. When I am getting ready in the mornings in my bathroom she always brings me my shoes to put on. We caught Cedar stepping into Grandpa's boots the other night.

Happy Easter!

2010-04-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

We had fun coloring eggs on Easter Sunday. Because it was General Conference, Tanner and I didn't even get out of our pajamas all day. It was wonderful. The kids had a good time. Cedar dyed her entire mouth and legs by eating one of the coloring tablets before I could grab it from her and by spilling one of the dye cups. Gotta love it.

My Angel Nephew, William Jared

2010-03-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

William Jared Neslen. Born March 25, 2010 at 9:31 p.m. 6 lbs. 12 oz, 18 1/2 in. Welcome, sweet baby. Until I can get my computer to cooperate and post pictures, go here to see some precious pictures of the new little one.

Sweet Moments

2010-03-21T22:03:00.000-07:00

Tanner Counting His Teeth

2010-03-19T19:24:00.000-07:00

Because I am too lazy to get off the couch, go get my mom's camera and upload this video onto my computer and blog, if you'd like, go to my mom's blog and watch a video of Tanner counting his teeth. Quite the crack up. C has discovered how to say Tanner now. "Tans" So sweet. I love my kids!

My New Friend For the Week!

2010-03-17T06:18:00.000-07:00

I haven't taken this medicine for about three years. It made me jittery too often so I stopped. But this last weekend I had a three-day headache that I couldn't shake and I'd had some dental work done that was still painful. And I knew I had a final coming up this week that I HAD to study for. My mom is in town and finally had me take a couple excedrine Sunday morning. Well, it made me feel so good that I've taken it every day since.

I haven't been able to sleep well this week; I've had major brain overload between life decisions and the nervous, endocrine, cardiovascular and lymphoid systems. So I've made a new friend this week. I call my new friend she, because woment relate with women, obviously, and she

understands me.

In the mornings I say "Excedrine, I didn't sleep well last night. I went down to the couch and only slept five hours. And I need to study all day today. Will you please help me?" And she gives me energy to focus and concentrate.

I say "Excedrine, my tooth still hurts from the dentist last week, but I won't have time to call and have them look at it until Thursday afternoon. Will you please help me?" And she makes my tooth stop hurting so I can focus on my test coming up.

I say "Excedrine, I didn't sleep well again and I am freaking out inside that I will be too tired to focus and remember the things I am studying." She says, "Just take two of me, and I will be happy to make calm you down by making you feel awake and alert, and you won't have to freak out anymore about forgetting what you are studying."

Yes, I love my new friend. The only thing is that I wonder if she isn't telling me is that she might be part of the reason I can't sleep well at night. I wonder if she too is so happy with our new friendship that she sticks around in my skeletal muscles and blood vessels as long as possible, keeping me awake so that I won't miss any of our time together.

But as much as I would like her to perform her eight hours of work during the day and punch out as soon as I come home, I cannot confront her with that right now. I need her too much and don't want to disrupt her fabulous work this week. I'm hoping that when my final is complete tomorrow morning that I will be able to take her out of her comfy vacation home in my back pack and return her to every-day life in the medicine cabinet.

But for today, as I get up to start getting ready, I say, "Good morning, sweet friend. Thank you for being a part of my life today. Please, make yourself at home in my bloodstream."

thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts thoughts

2010-03-14T11:42:00.000-07:00

I've always spewed it out best in writing. And despite the fact that I know anyone and everyone can read it because I don't have a private blog, it doesn't bother me. The virtual audience does not make me uncomfortable. It probably should a little more than it does, but I don't think that many people read my blog anyway. Plus I've never been one to hold it in. Most of you know that. I can't. It festers inside me and drives me crazy. There is only one subject in my life that I feel uncomfortable talking about, and would rather avoid. (that description of my feelings on the subject is a little euphemistic.) And I've decided that that needs to change. But that's actually just a side note here, not the meat of my thoughts at the moment.

So here is the meat of my thoughts. Being a writer, my tendency is to rewrite, rewrite, rewrite. Make it better. Edit the content, and therefore edit the meaning somehow. But I'm not going to do it. I'm going to spew. In school they called it the "blood essay" method. It won't be a real blood essay because I won't be going into the deepest of Annie, but it'll be real. It'll be deep enough.

C is about to turn two in April. I am scheduled to start my hygiene program a year from September. Ryon and I want to have one more baby before I start the program. We don't want to put off kids for it. If I got pregnant right now my baby would be nine months old when I started the program. Hmmm. Cedar would be 3 1/2. Tanner would be in first grade, so it would be totally fine for him. But nine months?

Okay, and nine months wouldn't even be that bad, but I have HUGE reservations about getting pregnant right now because I weigh about ten lbs. less that what I weighed when I delivered C. That kills me. I so do not want to get pregnant at this weight. But I've had the time to lose it and I haven't done it. Yes, school is extremely stressful, which has what has made it hard to focus on losing, because I don't want to neglect my family at all, and after school and family, I have less than the motivation I need to exercise. Which is so not me! I have been an avid worker-outer for as long as I can remember. But I've never been a full time mommy, student and wifey, house keeper (if I can even call myself that) at the same time before, and I feel like I have just let my physical health make the sacrifice. I totally eat when I am stressed. I need to break those habits.

So I would need at least three months to get to a place where I feel like I could get pregnant, and then I'd be putting a six month old in childcare while I am in the program. Blaaa. But if the childcare were good enough . . . I don't know. I know some people would freak at the idea of putting their kids in childcare like that, but I can't think about that, because I can't care what others think. I need to do what is best for my family.

I'm thinking about starting a blog about the verbal abuse I endured while I was in junior high and the impact it has had on my life since. I still have issues from it, and I need to resolve it. I've talked about it some with Ryon and my sister and mom, but I feel like I just need to face this monster that has settled itself into my being. The virtual audience does make me uncomfortable at this point. But if given the time, would I write a book about it? Absolutely. So what is the difference? Nothing. And I wouldn't have the pressure needing to produce refined writing. We'll see. I'm sure there are more people out there that could benefit from my giving my feelings a voice than I could even imagine.

I don't expect comments on the baby thing, but I absolutely welcome them. The point was to get my thoughts out of isolation in my brain and onto paper. I did talk to Ryon and my mom some, but I still feel like I get it out better when I let my fingers do the talking.

If you're still reading, thank you for your endurance and friendship. Or maybe I just amuse you. :) I amuse myself, or at least I just make myself shake my head at myself.

Anyway, thoughts later, I feel a tad better. I honestly just don't know the best thing to do. Maybe there isn't a "best". Maybe there is just a "do".

My Sweet, Sweet Tanner

2010-03-11T00:23:00.001-08:00

The only non-cartoon movie that Tanner has ever really seen, besides Stuart Little, which is about half-and-half, is Transformers. We let him watch that with us a few times because he has been so into them. Well, Ryon, Grandma Jensen, Tanner and I all watched Marley and Me tonight. None of us had seen it before, and Tanner wanted to snuggle with me and watch it. I thought it was so cool that he wanted to watch it, and that he was totally into it. He was laughing at the dog, and talked about the movie all the way through it.

Well it wouldn't be a dog movie worth making if the dog didn't die at the end. If you haven't seen the movie, it goes through about 10 years worth of life and Marley ends up getting sick and having to be put to sleep at the end. Marley falls asleep on the table in the vet office, and then his family buries him in the front yard.

During the burial, I heard Tanner say quietly, "My eyes are all watery." I looked over at him and he had big tears in his eyes. I asked him "Is it making you sad?" His little face scrunched up and he just started crying harder. He nodded his head and laid it on my shoulder. The movie ended shortly thereafter and he just kept crying. Ryon carried him upstairs and I snuggled in bed with him and we talked about it some. I stayed there until he fell asleep.

I just didn't think about the fact that my five-year-old isn't a baby anymore and he can understand and have feelings about things he may see in a movie. I think from now on we'll stick with Clifford. Clifford is always alive and waiting for you! It was a moment that made me realize even more that my little Tan Man is growing up. A very sweet moment.

The Best Playdough Recipe Ever!

2010-03-02T11:25:00.001-08:00

My good friend Traci and her son Kaleb were over a couple weeks ago, and Traci had brought some playdough with her. I was mindlessly playing with it while we were talking and I suddenly realized it was the softest, most moldable, moist playdough I had ever felt. Way better than the store-bought stuff, and even better than the baby-oil based recipe my mom had given me. Trac emailed me the recipe.

Well, Tanner and Cedar happened to come down with the flu a few days later, and we were dying for inside activities. Making the playdough was just as fun, and the final result was great. Tanner played with it for over three hours on Sunday, and C loves it too.

Try it. You'll never want to buy playdough again. I know I don't plan on it!

General Conference Packets for Children

2010-02-28T11:38:00.000-08:00

Hi All,

A good friend of mine emailed me a link to a gal's website who makes interactive General Conference packets for children. The objective is to give them something that will help keep their attention and enhance their experience with conference. I downloaded it and it looks fabulous. Just thought I'd pass the word along.

Amazing Julie

2010-02-26T17:55:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of the bag that one of my best friends, Julie recently made for me. She is incredible. She whipped it out in about 2 days, just after moving her family across town. It is thick, durable, practicle and just super cute. The inner pockets are wonderful, and the straps secured by D rings are a fabulous idea; they don't abstruct getting in and out of the bag at all.

She has recently started her own craft blog and has considered starting her own line called Deja Ju. These customized bags would be a part of it. I keep telling her to just do it, but I guess she thinks that three kids and another one the way keep her busy. :)

She will customize a bag for anyone. You can pick out your own fabric and she will do it for a flat fee, or you can have her pick the fabric. I'm currently using this one for church, random errands and school some. I told her that when I have another baby I want another one specifically for a diaper bag. They are awesome! If you're interested, contact Julie via her blog or you can leave a comment on mine, I will email it to her, and she will get back to you with details. You will not regret it! They are amazing!!

2010-02-26T17:33:00.000-08:00

My Sweet, Crazy Kids

2010-02-26T17:23:00.000-08:00

I love my Tan Man and my CC. I just wanted to post some recent pictures of my babies. Tanner is almost 5 1/2 and C will be 2 on April 11.

2010-02-26T17:09:00.000-08:00

A Puppy and a Princess

2010-02-26T16:58:00.000-08:00

Thank you to Grandma Jensen for T and C's super cute towels! They both love them and Ryon and I have noticed that we are doing a lot less towel laundry because they both have their own specific towel. Less laundry -- always a good thing.

And someday . . . if I ever have the room . . .

2010-02-05T09:18:00.000-08:00

This is from an old entertainment center . . . this would be a dream! By the time I have room for something like this my kids will be too old to play with it! I'll be a grandma some day, right??

I SOOO Want To Make This!

2010-02-05T08:56:00.000-08:00

Cedar and Tanner spend Wednesday mornings at my good friend Ashely's while I go to class. I was picking them up last week and noticed how much fun C was having playing with their play kitchen they have on their back deck. She was opening the cupboards and microwave and playing with the dishes, just having a blast, and she was so stinking cute! So, I have been patrolling stores some to see if I can find one that would look cute in her room.

Well, the only ones I have found have two problems: Too expensive and they do not match Cedar's room, which I have recently redecorated in a lime green and different shades of pink.

So I just happened to be on homemadebyjill.blogspot.com this morning, which is a fabulous blog by a mommy who is super talented and creative. She had this picture on there from vintagesongbird.com, the pattern she is following to make her own play kitchen for her kid, and her plans to make one herself. It was like it was meant to be! I know I could do it, and it would be super cute, but here is the problem, people! TIME!! Man, I just don't have it! But now that I have seen this picture, I can't bear to buy a plastic one at the store. I want it to be homemade by Mommy. And I know it could be beautiful. So here's the deal: I'm going to do it for C's bday, which is in the middle of April. So that's two months, a week of which I do not have school. That's my goal. I am so excited and stoked to do it now. I guess that means refinishing my hope chest is on hold, but it's not like I was making any progress on that anyway. :o)

Playing in the Snow

2010-01-01T01:30:00.000-08:00

Fun, fun, fun with Mommy, Grandma and Grandpa in the snow! Cedar was beside herself with excitement! She was clapping, pointing and squealing with delight. So precious!

Tanner and Grandpa made a snowman with olives, a carrot and some mandrain orange slices. So cute.

Tanner's Christmas Program, 2009

2009-12-16T23:39:00.000-08:00

Tanner's preschool had their Christmas program tonight. It was really cute. I didn't get any pictures of Tanner in the actual program because I was video taping through the whole thing. So hopefully I will blog a video of Tan in his program at some point. It was a ton of work just to get C's two minute video on here.

But we did have fun watching Tanner and the other kids sing about the baby Jesus. Uncle Spencer and Aunt Sara came to watch T, and C was very good -- Hallelujah! They were both running around like crazy children during the clean up, but what else is to be expected?

Hearing Tanner talk about the baby Jesus makes me feel like my Christmas wish to have a Christ-centered Christmas is coming true. I love hearing innocent children testify of Christ.

Tanner's teacher came up to me after the program to tell me that Tanner is a joy to have in class, and that he is just a sweet, sweet boy. Yes, Tan, you are a sweetheart, and I love you very much. You did a great job standing and singing in front of all those people, and we had a fun night out as a family.

Fun With Cedar Before Tanner's Christmas Program

2009-12-16T22:28:00.000-08:00

Oh, CC was hamming it up tonight as we waited for Tanner's preschool Christmas program to begin. This is my little angel baby. She is my sweetheart. Grandma and Kimmie, this is who you have waiting for you to come for Christmas!

My Christmas Wish

2009-12-14T23:06:00.000-08:00

These last six months or so I have felt more unsettled about the direction the world, and more specifically our country, has been taking. I've publicly spoken my concerns to some degree, trying to make others aware of current issues, and have talked about them with my family in great detail.

As Christmas Day approaches, I feel an earnest desire in my heart to make this Christmas more about the Savior Jesus Christ than I ever have before.

I love the Lord Jesus Christ. He is my Savior, Brother, Exemplar, Friend. I know that he lives, and that he is the only begotten son of my Heavenly Father, whom I also love and worship.

I know they both love me, and know the concerns of my heart. And although my family and I are subject to the decisions that those who take position of power and authority over us make, I know that we are here on this earth to fulfill a purpose that extends far beyond the finite realm of this world.

I am aching for my family to arrive for Christmas because we lift, support, listen to, and just love being with one another. By being together and rejoicing in the royal birth of our Lord this Christmas, I know that my testimony will be strengthened and my resolve to rise above oppressing worldly influences increased.

I know that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is His church on the earth today. I know that Jesus Christ lives, that he was born in Bethlehem that night, that he lived a perfect life on this earth, and that he atoned for our sins and was crucified that we might each fulfill our eternal potential, and become as He and the Father are today.

I will consciously strive to make this Christmas one in which the Spirit may abide in my home and testify of Christ. In its presence, we will each be edified, our relationships with the Savior and with each other will deepen, and our testimonies will grow. This is my Christmas wish.

Tanner's Christmas Carols

2009-12-14T19:37:00.000-08:00

Man my kids are cracking me up the last couple days. Tanner has been watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer since the Christmas season started. We also have the soundtrack in my car (yes, I am getting a tad sick of the music) and Tanner has learned a lot of the songs. So he has been walking around singing a lot of the music. He gets a lot of the words right, but a few of his versions are hilarious. This is my favorite:

"Rudolph the red nose reindeer, had a very shiny nose, and if you never sawd it, you can't never say it glows."

He he he. Yes, Tan. That is true.

Christmas lights are "hot"!

2009-12-13T18:30:00.000-08:00

Cedar just turned 20 months old, and she was so cute this afternoon as I was putting lights on our Christmas tree. Cedar and Tanner were in the living room with me. As soon as I plugged the first string of lights in, Cedar kept saying they were "hot". It's one of her about five-six words that she says right now. So she got down on her hands and knees and started blowing on the lights. She has been doing that all night as I have been putting them on the tree. She keeps putting her little head into the tree and blowing on the lights because they are hot. Pretty cute, CC. Thanks for the special Christmas moment.

Going Green . . . Going CRAZY!

2009-11-23T23:12:00.001-08:00

I've been meaning to post about this subject for quite some time. I assume that it has not passed the attention of many that the Green Phenomenon is sweeping its way across the North West, and much of the U.S. as well. It has taken me some time to articulate within myself exactly what it is about this intense clean energy, recycling, "save the earth" push that just pesters my brain and so easily bothers me.

Before I share my frustrations, I must make it clear that I do recycle. I have for a long time. I may on rare occasion throw something in the trash that could have been thrown in the recycle bin with a little more effort on my part, but for the most part, I am a dedicated recycling citizen. I understand the importance of preserving the earth that we have been entrusted with. HOWEVER ...

#1) I cannot stand the elitist attitude that accompanies some individuals, companies, certain television networks who have made "going green" a chief priority. I saw a reusable tote in Powell's Bookstore several weeks ago that displayed on it's front: "My reusable bag makes me better than you." If it had not been $7, I would have purchased it and taken it shopping with me, allowing it's facetious declaration of ridiculous haughtiness to make its point.

#2) Could we focus on other issues as well, please? Instead of having an official "Green Week" last week, could NBC please have an official "We are going to report events objectively, honestly and thoroughly, ration the number of times we use the word 'Obama', and even air those adds that protest the healthcare bill, since their creators are willing to pay full price for the air time, since that's what reputable journalism is all about Week."

#3) The fact that I was getting so confused about my thoughts and feelings regarding this subject should have been my first hint. I believe that the Green Phenomenon is a prime example of the philosophies of men being mingled with scripture. There is nothing wrong with wanting to protect and save the earth and have a cause that we as families, neighbors, citizens, work together to achieve. There's the scripture part. But it is so contaminated and becomes so confusing, and that is exactly how Satan works: Let's take this good cause of minimizing waste and reusing energy and distract the people of this world from other issues that are detrimental to relationships within the family, schools, in the work force, on a national level:

Let's print the word "GREEN" on girls' underwear and sell it. Yes, that's all about reminding the person who's wearing them to make responsible, good choices, right? Ha!

Let's hire radical socialist CZARS in the White House under the guise of creating green jobs for Americans.

Let's focus so much as a nation on going green, that we no longer even try to uphold the foundational values and standards that are the only things that will protect our nation from its enemies.

Let's pledge to plant 500 trees this year over here, and seize the tax exemption status from a church over here for refusing to perform gay marriages.

Let's cease oil drilling on America's soil because it's "not the best environmental choice", purchase it from countries who would like to see us obliterated, and then tax our citizens to fund late term abortion at the same time.

Let's pressure moms who don't run "green" households and raise "green" children. Because yes, that's what women in this country need more of, pressure.

#4) And finally, I just can't stand the way the federal government uses the clean energy idea as an avenue to push its own agenda. If it weren't so late and I weren't so tired I would write more about and support that statement. It's been stated by the former CZAR Van Jones, that that is indeed the case.

I don't know if anyone will even read this, but it helps to just get my thoughts into words. We have so many other more pressing problems. Can we shift the focus a little, please? I don't think it will happen much. In the meantime, I will continue to recycle and continue to buy my disinfectant wipes because they make my life so much easier, and I love them. And I will never feel guilty about it, nor should anyone else. They are fabulous!

Belated Halloween Photos

2009-11-19T17:29:00.001-08:00

I'm so behind! Sorry grandmas and aunties, and anyone else who might look at my blog from time to time! C and T were a cow and the Transformer Bumblebee this year, respectively. (I was excited that Tanner wanted to be that again!) The head of Cedar's costume was pretty tight around her head, so it was hard to see her face, but her bum and tummy were the cutest parts of the costume! The kids had a lot of fun at our ward's trunk-or-treat and Halloween party. So we went to that, went to Sweet Tomatoes as a family for dinner, and then I took Tanner trick-or-treating around the neighborhood.

Love This Picture, Love this Girl

2009-10-17T23:46:00.000-07:00

Last night I was going through some of my mom's pictures that I put on my computer. I found a whole bunch from our cruise last year that I had never even seen before. I saw this picture of Kimmie and me, and I just love it. It just shows how I feel about her. She is my sweetie, and I love her so much. I miss her, but am glad she and her new hubby are doing well in Rexburg. I was so excited to find this. Just thought I'd post it for fun. :o)

Daddy's Birthday Dinner at Red Robin

2009-10-17T13:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, we went to Red Robin again on Ryon's birthday. We went with Sara and Spencer to celebrate the boys' birthdays, but on Ryon's actual birthday we went as a family. Tanner had been so excited to go to "Red Robin's" It was fun to go as a family.

The big huge stuffed bird, Red, was walking around talking to everyone. T and C loved him! Cedar kept saying "Oooh!" and Tan just kept giggling like crazy.

Cedar had fun with her straw. She is a crack up.

It's moments like this that make me so happy for our little family; it was really fun. The kids were pretty good. And I am soooooo grateful that Ryon is so close to work now. It's like we have a real life. When we lived in O.C., he would have gotten home between 7 and 7:30, we would have been at the restaurant by about 8ish, and home after 9:00. We got there by 5:30 p.m. and were able to get home by 6:30ish and have the kids down by 7.

Now that's a birthday! :o)

My New Favorite Pillows!

2009-10-17T00:50:00.000-07:00

I have been looking for saffron colored pillows off and on for months. I added this color to my living room a while ago. It's on the walls. But I wanted something to tie the room together. I actually looked online for these exact pillows. I wanted this color yellow with chocolate brown polka dots. I couldn't find them anywhere. So when I was at IKEA this last week and saw these yellow pillow covers, I was so excited. So I stopped by JoAnn's on the way home, bought some fabric and fabric adhesive, and the project began. The hardest part was getting the circles cut. I tried my scrapbook circle tool thing for a while, but it just wasn't working. So I just used a marker and some decent scissors, and the circles actually turned out pretty nicely.

When I was done with the first pillow I couldn't believe how much I loved it. I was so excited with how it turned out. They are a little out there, I know, but that is why I love them so much. I think they are so fun! And I love that I made them! It was a fun little project, and they can't help but make you feel a little happy when you walk downstairs.

A Poopy Night

2009-10-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

I was asleep in bed last night and thought I heard footsteps in the house. I reached over to feel if Ryon was still there. He was, so I dismissed my thought and went back to sleep. I heard them again. It woke me up a little more this time, and my thoughts were a little clearer. I sat up and got out of bed to see what was going on. I opened my bedroom door to find every light upstairs on. Tanner's light across from us was on; the hall light, the bathroom lights, the light over the stairs. I looked down the stairs and saw Tanner walking up them, naked from the waste down.

"What's up?" I asked him.

"Mom, I didn't make it to the toiled because I couldn't find the lights." His chin was trembling and he was looking up at me with the biggest eyes.

"That's okay, honey. What happened?"

"Well, I tried to go to the toilet but I just pooped in my jammies and then I took them off and then I did a little more on my carpet, and Mom, I tried to clean it up with toilet paper but it wasn't working, so I went downstairs to find some wipes that were full." (Some baby wipes that weren't all gone)

"So that's why you were downstairs?"

"Ya, and mom? There were drips."

Oh my gosh, he was so vulnerable and childlike, and so sweet. And when he told me there were drips . . . I just wanted to laugh. And sure enough, there were drips from the big spot in his room though the bathroom to the toilet. So I spent the next, I don't even know how long, cleaning Tanner in the tub and drips of diarrhea on the floor. I am going to have to shampoo my carpets this weekend, now. I needed to anyway.

And poor Tanner, hopefully he will never see this post when he is old enough to read it and get embarrassed. I told him how proud of him I was that he tried to clean it up himself, though. He is growing up.

Mr. and Miss Pumpkin Heads!

2009-10-05T17:49:00.000-07:00

Grandma Jensen sent these pumpkin head kits to the kids to decorate with. Aren't they so cute?! Tanner LOVED poking the holes in the pumpkins so he could put the pieces in. He loved his pirate and had a lot of fun helping Cedar with her princess. They are now proudly sitting on our front porch. Thanks for the good time, Grandma!

Happy Birthday Ryon and Spencer!

2009-10-04T00:46:00.000-07:00

Tonight we celebrated Ryon and Spencer's birthdays as a family. Sara, Spencer, Ryon and I went out to Red Robin for the boys' birthday dinner. We have been going to Red Robin for their birthdays for as long as I can remember. Well, maybe not that long, but for like the last four years.

Ryon and Spence are pretty funny together. They both love their super heroes; Superman is the favorite. Ryon got these super hero pj's while we were in Kansas and we picked up a pair for Spence to give him on his birthday. I knew they would love a Super Man cake, and Ryon had a superman shirt to go with it all. Spence didn't have one with him, so I gave him mine to wear for the sake of pictures. Doesn't he look so great in that tiny shirt? :) He is such a great sport!

Ryon and Spence have a lot in common and get along great. Sara and I joke around some times that we married the same person, just eight years older/younger. They do have some differences, but they are similar in many ways as well. You can tell they really do love each other, even though boys never say it.

Happy 23rd birthday tomorrow, Spence. And happy 31st on the 8th, Ryon. We all love you both.

Fall Semester is in Full Swing

2009-10-01T21:46:00.000-07:00

Fall semester started last week. A couple months ago Ryon and I decided I would complete my DH prerequisites in two years instead of one, and try to have a baby during that time. So I only have one class this term instead of two. I dropped Microbiology and am just taking Anatomy and Physiology. I am so glad I dropped one of the classes. With the kids and the house and just being Mommy, I would have been drowning.

I am really enjoying it though. It is a ton of studying, but Sara is nannying for the kids, and I love what we are learning. It's nice to study something that is big enough to see without a microscope! Actually, we are studying tissues right now, but the skeletal and muscle systems are next.

I actually dissected a rat myself. I was really nervous at first, but it was actually pretty cool. I had to pin the rat's paws down and then slice up it's stomach. I had to identify all the internal organs. I was digging under the small intestines to find the pancreas at some point. It wasn't that bad!

So anyway, it is going well. I have to get an A to earn the most points possible for my Hygiene application. So there is a lot of pressure there, but it is still interesting, and I love having the time to go and learn something new!

Cedar's Stats at 17 Months

2009-09-27T00:34:00.000-07:00

Because I was so crazy-busy with school this summer, and T and C's doctor is in West Linn, I was a little behind on Cedar's immunizations. With Tanner heading back to preschool and N1H1 talk all over, I figured I better just get her in there A.S.A.P. and get caught up. So even though she is only 17 months, I took her in and they measured her according to the 18 month statistics. Cedar's stats? What a surprise . . . more proof that my children are their daddy's: Cedar was in the 99th percentile for her height and 60th for her weight. Long and lean, like her daddy.

A little about my Cedar baby. She is my angel. I love her! Although, I must say, C, you have been hecka cranky the last little while. She has an opinion now, and an attitude to go with it! She knows what she wants and lacks the words to express it. Unless the words are "hot" "ouch" "mama" or "ni-ni," If there is something she wants or something she doesn't like, she will let us know however she can!

But she is our sweetheart. And I swear her hair isn't always either hanging in her eyes or popping of the center of her head like a firework. These just happen to be the only pictures I had of her on my computer right now.

I love her little smile in these pictures. It warms my heart and makes me want to squish her guts! Love you, Cedar Ann.

Tanner's Fifth Birthday!

2009-09-20T19:42:00.000-07:00

My Tanner is five! Wow, Tan. You have grown up so much. You are my sweetheart.

Tanner came downstairs today after finishing a movie and saw that Daddy and I had decorated for his party. He saw his cake, balloons and presents, and he was so excited he didn't know what to do with himself. He loved that all of this was for him.

Ryon grilled hot dogs for dinner; that's what Tanner said he wanted for his birthday dinner. They were out on the deck and I heard Tanner say as he slid open the door, "I want to go back inside to my birthday, Dad." Pretty cute.

Sara and Spence came over for our little party. (It's so weird that all the family is gone now. We used to have these huge family parties for birthdays. It's just the few of us now.) Tanner opened his legos and his tool set from Mom and Dad. Because Grandma Neslen and Kimmie and Kevin were in town before Tanner's actual birthday, and because we were in Kansas last week, Tanner got several presents from Grandmas, Grandpa's, aunts and uncles before his special day. So we decided to gather up all his presents and take a picture of him with them. (We forgot his spiderman transformer, Sheena! But oh my gosh, he LOVES it)

Tanner's cake is suppossed to be a soccer ball. I couldn't find my small star tip to decorate it, so the details were a little off, and I was in a hurry to finish it, so I forgot that some of the hexigons were suppossed to be blue! So it has character, that's for sure. But Tanner loved it, and knew exactly what it was. He had soccer camp this summer and had such a great time. He loves soccer, and was excited for his soccer ball birthday cake.

I wanted to record some things about Tanner on his special day. Ryon and I are sitting here on the couch, and so the following are some special things that we have thought of together that make our Tan Man who he is:

Tanner, you love to give hugs and kisses. I hope this lasts for a long time, because they are the warmest parts of my day when you throw your arms around me and tell me you love me.

You love your baby sister and are very sweet to her. You give her hugs and kisses and make her laugh when she is sad. You do your funny face where you smack your face and stick your tongue out, and it makes her laugh. You even share your Chesapeake with her to make her happy.

You love to wrestle with Daddy. You are a great wrestling actor, throwing your arms out and hitting the floor when Dad has hit you with the "super pillow."

You still rub noses with Mommy all the time.

You say sweet prayers. You remember Mommy, Daddy and Cedar in your prayers.

You go to bed very well. Sometimes you read books in bed before you fall asleep. We will leave your lamp on and you will be reading your books. We will come and check on you a little later and you will be sound asleep in your bed. Sometimes you play with toys in bed before you fall asleep.

Mommy sings to you almost every night. You always want "Hush Little Baby" but you changed it to "Hush Little Blankey" years ago, and so that is what we still sing. I also sing "How I Love My Little Tanner". I've sung that to you since you were a newborn baby.

You LOVE preschool. This is your second year, and you are so excited to go be with your friends and see your teachers. You have loved school since the first day! Last year you went on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and each morning you would ask," Is it Tuesday? Is it Thursday?" You wanted to go to school every day! This year you go three days a week, and you love that.

You love Transformers! Bumblebee and Optimus Prime are your favorites.

Even more than Transformers, you love your Grandmas. Both Grandma Neslen and Grandma Jensen have very special places in your little heart. It doesn't matter how long it's been since you have seen them, you run to your grandmas and hug them, and you let them hug you tight. You love snuggling with both of them. And Tanner, your grandmas love you! You are their special Tanner. You were the first grandchild for both of them. Sept. 20, 2004 was a very special day for both grandmas.

It was a special day for me too, Tanner. You made me a mommy forever, and I love you forever. Your Daddy loves you too. You are our sweet Tan, Tan Man, T Man, bubba, bud, buddy, Tan Tan, bug, and buggy. And stinker!

We are so proud of the person you are becoming, and so grateful that Heavenly Father allowed us to have you in our family. Happy Birthday, sweet boy. We love you.

2009-09-20T19:05:00.000-07:00

In Loving Memory

2009-09-04T17:27:00.000-07:00

My brother-in-law, Derek passed away this morning. He was 31. He was diagnosed with Primary Pulminary Hypertension nine years ago. We all love him so much. He was full of laughter and strength, and he loved his Mary. She was absolutely his everything. I don't know a couple who is more perfect for each other than Mary and Derek were. They balanced and brought out the best in each other. They've been fallen for each other since the beginning, and their love has only grown since.

The Jensen family is so blessed and grateful to have had him in our lives and to have known him so well. We love you, Derek. We will miss you deeply. God Bless.

2009-09-04T17:05:00.000-07:00

Cookie-Cutter Children

2009-09-01T10:22:00.000-07:00

Not only are my children spitting-images of each other, they are mini-me's of their daddy. It's a good thing I actually had the babies, or some might start to wonder. Sigh . . . maybe the 'Annie genes' will put up a bigger fight with the next one. It'd be nice if my children resembled me at least a little!

Tanner's Swimming Lessons

2009-09-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

Tanner had swimming lessons for two weeks this summer. They were his first, and he LOVED them. He had a hard time getting over his fear of jumping in the water, but he did get better. On the last day, his teacher had the five kids in his class put on life jackets and swim out into the middle of the pool. He had them all hold hands and swim in a circle. The squeals and laughs from the kids were hillarious. Tanner had a good time and passed his first level. Good job, Tan.

It was also funny because Tanner's swim teacher happened to be Mr. Williams, Kimmie's fourth grade teacher back at John Wetton Elementary School. Small world.

Just some photos so you know we are still around and about . . .

2009-07-25T00:09:00.000-07:00

A Day at the Beach

2009-07-24T23:48:00.000-07:00

I am back blogging a little -- trying to journal a little of what we have done over the summer. A few weeks ago Ryon and I decided to take the kids to the beach on a Friday. We left at about 2 p.m. We went and played in the sand and water for a while, but it was soooo windy that we were only on the actual beach for about an hour. We went out to Chinese for dinner, and stopped at the Candyman taffy shop before we went home. We got home at about 8, so it was a nice little short trip. Perfect for our little kids.

Cedar cracked us up. She was okay in the sand after a while, but at first she would pull her little legs up under her bum when we went to set her down. It was hillarious. Tanner was super excited to build sand castles, but of course, as soon as we would get any type of structure built, he would crash it down as fast as he could.

Tan also loved playing "catch the waves," which really meant don't let the waves get any closer than like a foot from your feet before you sprint off so far that they have no chance of touching you whatsoever. We will never have to worry about him running out too far into the ocean. (At least while he is little) He is such a cautious little boy by nature. But he LOVED playing the game with both Mom and Dad.

Yay for living so close to the beach. It was fun to just do a little spontaneous trip like this. We had a good time just being together. We love being our little family.

I wish there were more hours in the day . . .

2009-07-22T22:27:00.000-07:00

My blog has turned into my journal in a lot of ways. I have my own journal on my computer, (I gave up actually sitting down and writing a couple years ago), but I haven't written in that in a while. I don't know much of what to say tonight, other than my brain has not been this full and tired in such a long time. School is kicking my butt. Well, I think saying that school is beating me up is a little better. I am still doing pretty well, but it is stinking hard! I remember taking condensed classes in the summer time in college before, but they must have never been something I was completely foreign to, because this biology class and lab have been anything but a pleasant learning experience. I have definitely learned a ton, but it's like my brain has to stretch and pull in every direction to try to wrap around these concepts, and then to envelop and internalize them, sigh. And the tests are real life, application questions which test my knowledge even deeper. Let's just say I prefer creative writing, or even research papers.

One thing that has come from this so far is that I do know that going back to school is what I want to do. If I didn't really want it, there would be no way I could do these classes. So I am going to stick it out and get my A. I should say that my psychology class has been fun. And it hasn't been a lot of stress either. A lot of the concepts are similar to the ones I learned in a couple of my communications classes back in school. So that has been nice.

My babies are doing so well. Tanner has soccer camp this week. He loves it. I didn't go the first day, but Ryon said that he wouldn't go out on the field at first. So Ryon eventually carried him out on the field, put him in line to kick the ball, and Tanner has loved it ever since. It is a crack up to see the little kids out there running their hearts out, chasing the ball. Tanner gets all sweaty and they all love to yell "Water break!" when their coaches tell them to run over and get some water from their moms and dads.

Yes, I love my little Tan Man. He is growing up so fast. He will be five in two months. He has preschool three days a week this year. I am glad he will have that stimulation, because I am going to be gone a lot with school.

Cedar baby is just precious too. She gives the sweetest kisses. And holy cow does she love her daddy! She will just snuggle with him any time. She loves to lay her head on his chest and hold her blankey or ribbon to her lips and just snuggle with him. Ryon loves his little girl too. I think it's safe to say that we have a little daddy's girl and a little mama's boy in our family. Tanner sure loves his mommy.

Kimmie and Kevin have been life savers for me this summer. They have been watching the kids for me during the week while I go to school and do homework and stuff. I cannot believe how many hours a week I have been putting into my stupid biology class. I got a computer yesterday, (hence the blogging -- I swear I only blog if I have a laptop) and I am hoping that it will help cut out some of the hours my studying takes by my being able to avoid writing out so much. I know writing helps me internalize things, but I think using the computer will work too and save me some hours in the day. I am hoping that Spence will be available to help during the last two weeks of school, because Kimmie and Kevin are moving back to Rexburg. Blaa. More stress to think about.

Ryon and I are doing well. We had a fabulous weekend last weekend. Sara and Spence took Tanner on both Friday and Saturday nights, and Cedar on Saturday. They took Tanner to the Children's Museum and to the library in Beaverton that shoots out water. Tan had a BLAST! So Ryon and I had a lot of time together. We went out to dinner, saw Harry Potter, got milkshakes at Jack in the Box. It was really fun. I just love that husband of mine. He is so good to me and I could not do what I am doing without his support and love. I come home from school each night and the house looks so good. Most nights there are even vacuum lines!

When we think about how stressful the next three years of our lives are going to be, we think about Ryon's sabbatical. If I get into the DH program the first year I apply (fingers crossed) I will finish about four months before Ryon's first sabbatical. So we are planning to take a huge vacation, part of it with the kids and part of it without. I don't know what we will do for sure, but I do know a cruise will be involved somehow. Oh, what I wouldn't give to be sitting on one of those blue and white striped chairs right now, listening to my iPod and watching the endless blue out in front of me. That's got to be one of my favorite places in the world to be.

Well, I am feeling a little better. I was pretty stressed starting this post. One day at a time, I tell myself. Despite the frustration, self-doubt and stress I feel with school, I try to remind myself to be grateful for the opportunity I have to go back to school. I am so thankful that I can do it even though I have these two babies. I am so thankful that I will have Sara to be with them this year so that I focus and concentrate on school and not have to worry about them.

Good night to anyone who is reading. Good night thoughts, until I wake and you start swirling in my head again. Try not to manifest yourselves in crazy, crazy dreams tonight. Mmmm, dreamless sleep. That would be nice tonight. Good night to my conciousness. I often wish that I could realize I am sleeping, only so I could enjoy it more. Good night.

Congratulations, Ryon!

2009-06-17T15:29:00.000-07:00

Yay! Ryon got a job offer today! His current factory in Intel is scheduled to close in appx. four months, so we feel like this didn't come a moment too soon! He has been going through these grueling interviewing processes these last couple weeks, and yesterday he received an offer for the position he wanted most out of all the jobs he applied for. Hooray!! I am so excited that we don't have to worry about this anymore!

So we will be staying in Oregon now, our family will continue to have health insurance, and I can now pursue school with full force! I am so grateful to Heavenly Father for this blessing. And I am grateful for my sweet hubby who works so hard to provide for our family. Congratulations, Ryon. I am so proud of you.

I Must Be Getting Better!

2009-06-04T23:43:00.000-07:00

Tanner spent these last Monday and Tuesday nights in Oregon City with Kimmie and Grandma. So, for two days, Cedar and I had the house to ourselves while Ryon was at work. Now, for those of you who knew the "post-Tanner Annie", you would know that I would have taken any opportunity I could to get out of the house and go do something during those two days. There were many reasons for this, and they each, in one way or another, could be attributed to my post partum brain issues.

Well, during this time that Cedar and I had together, I am pleased to report that we did not leave the house for over 48 hours, and I was totally fine!! Seriously, this is a huge deal. I was not obsessing about whether I was home or gone, I was not even really mentally keeping track of how long I had been home and how long I was gone, I was just being with my baby, and loving the time we had together. I got a bunch done on Kimmie's wedding scrapbook. I did some housework. I researched some things online. I snuggled with Cedar and we played with toys, and when Ryon got home at night we just hung out, watched TV and talked. I was just living my life, and not thinking about the fact that I was living it. I was not pushing myself through my life, I was just living it. Do you know how long I have waited to say that?!?

I just have to also say, thank goodness for medicine and for very smart people who decided to become doctors and learn how to give people the medicine they need! Hallelujah! I really am getting better. Being happy to be in my house for two and a half days is a major break through for me!

I know there were other factors that helped me enjoy the time so much. I'm sure a little break from my four-year-old built in work creator helped. I love my Tan Man, but I also love my mom and Kimmie for taking hime for a few days and giving me a chance to miss him. I bet that was part of it. Any time a mom gets to herself is fabulous, even if it is just in the house.

I also just love my house. It's just comfortable and that makes a big difference. In any case, I just loved those two days alone with Cedar. What a precious baby doll I have. I love her to pieces. She is so easy, which just makes her fun to be with.

All in all, I am pleased to report that my brain has made significant progress, and that I think the Annie is slowing coming back into it. Experiences like this sure build my confidence in believing that. We'll chalk this one up as a big success!

Back to School, Back to School!

2009-05-21T01:36:00.001-07:00

For about three years I have been mentally battling back and forth about whether I would ever go back to school.

"Yes, I just need to get my Master's. It'll be just over a year or so."

"No, I need to write a book first about what happened to me after having Tanner."

"Yes, do it. I will be able to teach when my kids get in school if I go back and get my Master's now. But do I really want to teach? Is that really what I want to do?"

Anyway, it has been a ping pong game in my head since I graduated college and had these two little kids. I have done so many things to keep myself busy and to try to contribute financially to our family. I made thousands of dollars selling mod bods and enjoyed that for what it was worth. But it wasn't a forever thing, by any means. And by no means was it intellectually challenging. I have catered several weddings, parties, and worked part time for three summers as a manager at an event center. I love being a mom. I love my babies. But there is just this part of me that wants to have my own little life outside my house. Something I can call my own, that challenges me and that provides extra income. And I have finally figured out what I want that to be.

I have decided to go back to school and get a degree in dental hygiene. I never thought I would do this. I never thought to myself while my mouth was wide open and I was staring up into that light above my head, "Hmmm, I think I might want to do what this person is doing to me now." But over the past few weeks, and after hours and hours of research, I have decided that this is what I want to do. And it is going to be a lot of work! I love to read. I love to write. I do not regret my English degree. But man, I wish I had some of these classes under my belt already.

In order to even apply for a Hygiene program, I have a lot of prerequisites I need to complete. And I need to ACE them. The program I want to get into receives roughly 200 applications every year, and grants 20 applicants a spot in the program. Nice odds, I know. So I am going to have to work my butt off over the next year or so. My Bachelor's degree only waives a few of the classes I need. The following are the ones I am going to have to take over then next year or two:

Chem 102
Anat and Phys, Sessions 1&2
Nutrition
Microbiology
Cellular Biology
Psychology 201

I think that is it. I may be missing something. So I definitely have my work cut out for me, but I am determined to do this. I don't know how I am going to make it all happen. I wish I had more family around. But thank heavens Sara and Spence are here. I know they will be a huge support.

I'm rambling now, so to any of you who are still reading, thanks. :o) I just wanted to get some of this recorded. I've been having very strong feelings about this the last couple days. I've been almost obsessed in the research, but I have learned a TON! I am going to prepare myself as much as possible for the classes I need. I am going to get A's. I will do what it takes.

If anyone has any fabulous ideas on how to balance a family and school, while trying to be the primary care giver in the home, feel free to send them my way! Also, I'd love any dental hygiene advice anyone has as well.

So that's the plan! I'm excited and scared, but very determined! We'll see what the future has to hold!

Here's My Deal . . .

2009-05-20T13:12:00.001-07:00

For any of you out there who might have been missing the updates on my family, I am sorry. I am an inconsistent blogger, journal writer, scripture reader, laundry keeper upper, regular dinner maker (although I am getting better at that) and R.S. secretary, among other things. Phew. But one thing I am consistent on: trying hard to be a good mommy, wife, sister, daughter, friend and self. I am trying! Even though I often feel like I am taking one step forward and two steps back in many aspects of life.

So I will try to blog more often, family and friends. One reason I have been slacking is that I took my laptop back to Costco. The sound went out on it (only two weeks old) and upon seeing the $699 credit on my card and not having to physically transfer money out of an account that we are trying to grow larger, I decided I liked the money better. So I no longer have one, and therefore, blog a lot less. I have a hard time sitting at the desk top, putting in my memory card, uploading pictures, the whole works . . . For some reason when I was sitting in the living room with my laptop and watching a game or movie or something, it was much easier. So I will try to be more consistent! It's the theme of my life right now! Being more consistent in the good that I need to do!

Although, one thing I must give myself credit for . . . I really do make my bed every single day!

Until next time in the not-so-distant future! Happy . . . whatever you do most!

2009-04-12T19:13:00.000-07:00

Day 26, A Lazy Easter

2009-04-12T16:46:00.000-07:00

Well, we are a tired bunch. We spent the weekend in Rexburg, ID for Kimmie's graduation. It was awesome to see her and meet Kevin's family. We met his parents and younger brother. But the kids and I were just exhausted the whole time. Cedar had had the flu at Scott and Melissa's and was still getting over it, and the first night we were in the hotel Tanner started throwing up at about 2:30 a.m. He was doing a lot better the next day, and was showing no symptoms at all, so we decided going out with Kimmie, Kevin, and his family would be fun. But halfway through the meal Tanner started gagging and so I grabbed him and ran to the bathroom. It was not a second too soon. He lost it all over the bathroom floor of Wingers. Arggghh! And that, by the way, was just after I had changed a horribly nasty poopy diaper. So dinner was anything but a pleasant experience. It would have been more bearable if I'd been feeling okay, but somehow, out of everything floating around, I ended up with a head cold, which I am still trying to get rid of.

So Saturday mornning we left really early and headed back to Denver. It was a ten hour drive, and the kids actually did really well. But we were all sooo done by the time we got home. Tanner went to bed at 6:30 and Cedar and I followed shortly after. We woke up this Easter morning and I decided just to stay home today and try to get better before flying home. My mom stayed home with us, so just Grandpa went to church. Tanner took a nap so that he and Grandpa could watch Transformers when he got home. (Nice Easter movie, I know) So we have just had a low-key, lazy Easter, trying to catch up on rest and health. Here are a few pictures of our lazy day. (Sorry I've been slacking, Ryon.)

So we have had a wonderful time with family, and we are travel weary and definitely ready to go home on Tuesday. Tanner misses his daddy like crazy, and I miss his daddy like crazy too! Plus the playoffs start this weekend, and I can't miss any more Blazer games!

Strengthening Testimony

2009-04-05T23:03:00.000-07:00

This post is a little on the personal side, but I wanted to put some of my thoughts into words tonight. I know a personal testimony is something everyone has to work on, and I feel that articulating these thoughts will help me work on mine.

I have always known in my heart and my mind that the church is true. I remember having spiritual confirmations at the youngest of ages, and have had them throughout my entire life. Even through the trials and stupid decisions of adolescence, I had a testimony of Jesus Christ and his gospel. I always knew I would get married in the temple and do my absolute best to raise a righteous family in this life. I feel that between myself and my parents, I gained a solid spiritual foundation in my early years, and I have strived to maintain it since.

In following varioius aspects of the moral, political, social and other standings of the world, I have felt the world take a sharp turn lately. I have been pondering, and sometimes ruminating about current situations and the absence of good. Of course awareness and pondering are appropriate, but I have taken it past healthy pensiveness. I feel like this mind-wandering has invited a cloud of question into my person. It seems to have both found and created a few faults and cracks in this spiritual foundation of mine. I know I must take action before it makes itself comfortable seeping from one crack to another, inflating and eventually breaking open the foundation I've worked so hard to build and maintain.

President Monson was very encouraging in his conference talk today. We can become discouraged in this world if we let ourselves. But we must have faith and remember that eternal rewards are ours, way beyond this telestial existence, should we do what we must to obtain them.

So it's back to the basics for me. I must maintain my relationship with my Savior and remeber he is my friend and my Lord. I need to allow him to speak to me through the power of the Holy Ghost and the scriptures. And I am grateful for the opportunity to feast on the presence of the Holy Ghost in my church meetings. I need to prepare myself for those opportunities so I can be sensitive to what I need to hear and learn.

I do know the gospel is true and real. And I also know that my testimony cannot simply tread water. I must constantly strive to become closer to my Savior, or I will find that I have fallen further away.

Conference Weekend in Utah!

2009-04-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

2009-04-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

2009-04-05T19:17:00.000-07:00

We drove to Utah on Thursday and arrived at Scott and Melissa's apartment around 7 p.m. They have the cutest three bedroom apartment. There's plenty of room for all of us and we have had fun being together. Melissa painted Cedar's toenails for the first time! Kevin and Kimmie drove down on Friday and we congratulated them on their engagement. Kimmie's ring is beautiful! It is perfect for her. On Saturday, Melissa, Mom, Kimmie and I went wedding dress shopping. Kimmie tried on around 15 dresses and finally found the perfect one! We weren't going to go to this last store, but thank goodness we did! She found the most beautiful dress. The store is ordering it in ivory. She looked beautiful. We are all very excited for the big day. Enjoy the pictures, Ryon. We all miss you. Tanner is so excited to come home and have the welcome home party with pizza, icecream, movies and balloons!

Back in Colorado

2009-04-03T21:40:00.000-07:00

After eight days in Kansas, we made our way back to Colorado. We got back Tuesday night, so we just spent Wednesday getting organized, doing a little shopping, getting Chesapeake's hair cut and relaxing. Here are a few pictures of our "down day" in Colorado. We all miss you, Daddy!

Congratulations Kimmie and Kevin!

2009-03-30T22:18:00.001-07:00

I am pretty sure that not many, if even any of my sister Kimmie's friends read my blog. This being the case I feel completely unguilty about announcing the fact that she and Kevin just got engaged tonight! Yay! I am so excited for both of them! I will see them this weekend, and I can't wait to see the ring in person! Congratulations, you two!

You Are All My Reasons

2009-03-29T20:31:00.000-07:00

I was watching TV by myself at my inlaws' here in Kansas the other night. I was down in the basement flipping through channels and I came across the movie A Beautiful Mind. I've seen the movie before and I never thought I would actually want to watch it again. It was very good, but just one of those emotionally draining movies. So I just watched for a few minutes, and to my surprise, I was really enjoying it. It became engrossing. If you have not seen the movie, it is about the life of Professor John Nash, an extraordinary genius who suffers from severe schizophrenia his entire life.

The last scene is him accepting the Nobel Prize. It is a very touching scene. His speech is short, heartfelt and moving. He states that he has studied reason his whole life. He says that his quest has taken him through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional and back, and the only true reason he has found has been through the equations of love. He looks into his wife's eyes and tells her that she is the only reason he is here that night. He says "You are the reason I am. You are all my reasons."

It was the words in the scene that touched me so much. I felt that this scene gave me beautiful words to express the way I feel about Ryon. So I wanted to tell him the same. I love you, sweetheart. You are all my reasons.

Here is a link to watch the scene. It's only 1:30 and is so worth it. And if you haven't seen the movie, treat yourself.

ref="http://www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/moviespeechabeautifulmind.html">

2009-03-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

When I looked at this picture of Cedar, I don't know how to explain it, but she just looked super grown up to me. It was almost like I could tell what she is going to look like when she grows up. I don't know, I just thought it was a very pretty picture and wanted to post it for fun!

2009-03-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

Fun Times in Kansas

2009-03-29T19:37:00.000-07:00

Here are just a few pictures of all the babies. I LOVE that my kids have cousins now! There are five grandkids on Ryon's side and two more on the way! From left to right: Payten, 2 mo. Brooklyn, 2 yrs. Cedar, 11 mo. Jensen 16 mo. Tanner 4 yrs.

Day . . . Whatever!

2009-03-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

So, Sara, you said you miss Tanner's nice outfits. How about this one?

"No, I'm just frustrated with Grandpa."

2009-03-25T14:32:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've not posted more pictures the last few days. More will be coming soon. But I did have to share this Tanner story and get it recorded. On Saturday night Grandma finished crocheting a mini blanket for Cedar. She makes them so the babies can hold them and hook their little fingers through the holes. She made three for Tanner when he was younger and he has very fond memories of his blankeys that Grandma Neslen made him. So when she gave Cedar her blanket, Tanner was pretty jealous. He was trying hard and doing pretty well. He wasn't taking it away and would hand it to Cedar when she dropped it and such. But by Sunday morning it really got the better of him. Grandpa, Tanner and Cedar were downstairs and Tanner kept grabbing it from Cedar and then flicking it toward her. Grandpa warned him several times, saying he was going to take it away if he didn't stop. Finally from upstairs we heard Tanner yell and then he came stomping upstairs. He told us that Grandpa was mean and had taken the blanket away. We talked to him a little and then continued getting ready for church.

An hour or so later Grandpa and I were getting the kids in the car to go to church and we were waiting for Grandma to come out of the house. It was so funny. You could totally tell that Tanner was still mad at Grandpa. Grandpa would try to talk to him and Tanner just sat there with his arms folded and his head down, pouting. Grandpa tried to help him with his seatbelt but Tanner wouldn't move so Grandpa could reach. I'd never seen him actually act like he was mad at anyone. So I asked him:

"Tanner, are you ignoring Grandpa?"
"No," came his short, pouty response.
"Are you mad at Grandpa?"
"No," he replied again, his eyes still fixed on his shoes. I waited a second and asked, "Are you happy with Grandpa?" Tanner paused half a second and his little chest raised and lowered in a quick sigh.
"No. I'm just frustrated with Grandpa."

It was nothing we expected and my dad and I looked at each other did the best we could to stifle our laughing. My dad shrugged his shoulders.
"What do you say to that?" he asked.
It really was hillarious. Way to use your words, Tan. He was frustrated! Anyway, it was a great moment. Thanks, Tan Man.

Day 3, Dinosaur Museum and Dog Park

2009-03-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we took the kids to the little local dinosaur museum. Tanner had fun putting the dinosaur puzzles together. We looked at dinosaur teeth, claws and baby eggs. Then we went to McDonalds (Tanner still calls it 'Old McDonald's') and got ice cream cones and a happy meal. Cedar shared an icecream cone with Grandma and was in HEAVEN! Then we went and picked up Chesapeake and took him to 'Dog Heaven.' It is hundreds and hundreds of open acres where dogs can go and just run. There are prairie dog and rabbit holes they can dig in and water holes to swim in. We were walking along and the whole time Tanner was yelling "Chesapeake! Chesapeake! Your're going the wrong way! Chesapeake! Come back!" He had fun using his outside voice. It was a fun, full day.

Day 2

2009-03-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

I've never really thought about this, and when I do it seems a little hard to believe considering the fact that he is my son, but this is Tanner's very first can of pop all to himself. It's so cute. Grandma bought a pack of the mini cans just for him and he was so excited. It was really funny too, because today he looked at me, pointed to his pop can and said, "Mom, don't drink my pop. It has caffeine." I had to laugh because that is what I tell him all the time when he wants a drink of my Diet Dr. Pepper. I always say, "It has caffeine, Tanner," and he knows he can't have any. So he pulled it on me today. Kids are so smart.

Cedar had a night time snack of chocolate pudding with Mommy. It was yuuuuumy! She has not been sleeping well since we got here. She got up a ton last night. It just shows how much children rely on routine. So we are hoping tonight will go better. Keep your fingers crossed for us, Daddy, and enjoy the nice quiet house to yourself!

Day 1 of our Trip!

2009-03-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

We had such a relaxing day today! Tanner and Grandma went out into the garage and looked for all the toys Grandma has packed in storage. I can't believe some of the stuff Tanner remembers about the toys he played with when he was a baby. Holy cow, kids have good memories. Cedar and Grandma sat on the couch reading books and playing. We went to Wal-Mart today and then spent the rest of the day at home doing random stuff. I cooked dinner for everyone; Dad was excited when he got home. Ryon, we had "chicken with a piece of bread on it." Big surprise, I know. Grandma and Grandpa took the kids on a walk to the pond to see the geese and I took a nap in my parents' bed. I looove that bed! Then Dad and I hung out and talked and watched a movie together while Ryon texted me the play-by-plays of the Blazer/Cavs game. (Soooo close in O.T. Dang!) Anyway, vacation verdict so far: Mmmmm, nice.

Here in Colorado

2009-03-19T10:48:00.000-07:00

We made it Colorado. I must say traveling alone with my kids was . . . okay. Tanner did great on the plane. He just watched his movies on the laptop the whole time. Cedar was harder. She was a little fussy, not too bad, but she was so squirmy -- the entire 2 1/2 hours! She wanted Tanner's computer the whole time. And there is just no space. A couple of times I was thinking, "Man, it would almost be worth it to just buy a seat for her so we had more room," but then I'd think, "No way! It's free for her to sit on my lap!" Getting on and off the plane was the hardest. Tanner wanted to pull his own back pack but he would go soooo slooooow, and people would back up behind us. And I just had too much to carry. And Cedar was heavy! Ryon is the one who always wears our snuggly, and I was trying to figure it out when it was time to deplane, but I was having trouble. There were like three people trying to help me, and finally the guy behind us told me he wears theirs all the time, and he helped me get it all configured. So thank goodness for that. But all in all, it went pretty well. Thank goodness it was a non stop flight. There is no way I could ever do a lay over with the kids by myself. Getting on and off the plane once was enough! Maybe when they are a little older.

But we are here! Tanner, Grandma and I are sitting here watching Brer Rabbit and Tanner is coloring on his new white board Grandma got him. Cedar is upstairs sleeping. My mom got laid off four days before we came, so she is able to be here and spend the time with us. No, being laid off is no fun, but she really believes it was an answer to prayer so she could be here with us during the month we are going to be here. She is also going to be able to help with Kimmie's wedding so much more now. She is going to Kansas with us next week too. We will be there for a week so see all of Ryon's family. That will be so fun!

I feel very blessed that we were able to plan this trip. This is one of the reasons that we moved to Hillsboro, so that if we went on a trip Ryon would be close to work and not have to drive 40 miles each way just to spend the evening by himself. We would have never been able to do this is if we were still in O.C. So we will miss Daddy, but atleast he only has to drive five minutes to get home.

Well, sorry for the rambling. If you are still reading, you are obviously a good friend! :) We have lots of fun stuff planned, so there will be some fun pictures soon! Have a good day! By the way, it's SUNNY and 65 here today!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

2009-03-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

Tanner had so much fun at school today. Leprechauns were hiding in their classroom when the kids arrived and they had to follow the giggles to find them. They found gold treasure, made leprechaun hats and painted their leprechauns. The kids all made up jokes to tell each other too. Tanner loves his preschool. He is always asking, "Is it Tuesday? Is it Thursday?" He just always wants to go. And they sure had fun today!

Some Recent Photos of the Kids

2009-03-12T21:55:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I have blogged anything, so I wanted to just post a few recent pictures of the kids. There is a picture of Cedar's "squishy face". It cracks us up. It lasts about a fourth of a second, so it's really hard to get on camera. Tanner has been having a ton of fun on his bike. We walk to the park that is close to our house and Tanner rides along on his bike. He is still pretty wobbly, but is getting the idea.

A Bounce-A-Holic Baby!

2009-03-12T21:37:00.000-07:00

So since Cedar was about four months old and I bought her her first bouncer, she has been a bounce-a-holic. She will stay in her her johnny-jumper or her bouncy chair for literally hours and bounce and bounce until she falls asleep. We've tried to take her out before and she just cries, so we'll put her back in and away she goes. These are just a few pictures of the dozens of times she has fallen asleep bouncing away. She'll even bounce in her sleep while she's in them. Our Cedar baby is a crack up!